Last night around 11pm, I heard someone screaming. Not, like, a woman screaming in joy as her man lifts her into the air and spins her around. This was more like a, "Jesus Christ, help me, Oh God, please help me" scream. And it went on for awhile. And I contemplated calling the police, but then I heard laughing after, or thought I did, and wasn't sure I had heard the scream in the first place. And then I heard police sirens and lost myself in the movie after that.
Earlier that night, I had promised I would take the dog out before I went to bed. I hadn't yet, and then I heard the scream. You just don't go outside after you hear someone screaming that close unless you want to help them and I am an out-of-shape half-a-pack-a-day smoker. I am no help to anyone, least of all myself, but that's neither here nor there. Aaron called not soon afterwards to check in and I told him about it and he told me to stay inside and go to bed. So I did.
And today Aaron checked in while I was at work to inform me that some guy in the park had been robbed and stabbed in the leg and that was the screaming I had heard.
And the fun gay guys from The Bar (that's the name of it) in the Castro, when they found out where I lived, told me that one of the guys had been robbed at gunpoint in the park.
You hear about this shit. You hear about serial murders and stabbings and robbings. Fuck, I've been robbed at gunpoint, in a public place. But you don't always first hand hear the screams of fear and agony, screams that wonder if it will ever be better again, if anyone will help, if there is any worse pain that this...you don't always hear that. Until you do. And then you wonder if it had been you. You never carry any cash in your pocket, just your $100 cell phone that's there to call for company to ward off the lonliness. And you wonder if you had had nothing to give to someone who was willing to take your life for whatever you had to give -- how much is your life worth, anyway? -- what would have happened? And then you get scared.
And people wonder why you're paranoid about people looking at you, about keeping the lights on when you fall asleep, about seeing and hearing things that might not be there. I'm ok. Everyone else is fucked up.
theglitterfades0: i hate the E! channel
theglitterfades0: because i can't stop watching it
theglitterfades0: and they make me care about nicky hilton's wedding
theglitterfades0: an half hour-long special. and i made the tv remind me, but it forgot to. even the tv's ashamed of what i've become.