i'm so sick of this job. i'm so sick of this routine. and i'm so fucking sick of the people up here. ugh.
some of you will be happy to know that the platinum-ness was a bust. the hair would only stay that gross bleach yellow color, so at midnight last night i ran to safeway and grabbed the cheapest black dye. i dyed my hair 4 times this weekend and it looks exactly the same, just a little more fried.
whine whine, bitch bitch. life is boring. life was hideous in redding, tedious in santa barbara, and downright monotonous here. i know it's me and not the place, but that's how i deal with shit: move around. so fuck you for judging me. it's not your fucking life.
i want to delete all the numbers from my address book and never feel the obligation to keep in touch. if people want to talk to me, they can fucking call me. i'm sick of being the one who calls - "hey, how's it going? what's going on? oh, ok. talk to you later, ok? ok. bye." so i'm not going to do that anymore.
i don't know if i'll ever go to santa barbara again. my mom, strangely, said that the fact that i got so sick is like a sign that i don't belong there. i've moved on from all the stupid college bullshit. i had my college experience; now i just want my fucking degree. hello, community college.
there's a really funny scene in tales of the city during which maryann goes to the suicide helpline and the main guy is depressed because his wife left him. when maryann asks why, he said, "it's just, when the war ended ... we tried whales, trees, pollution ... it just wasn't enough! so she joined the israeli army!" and then he kills himself and maryann finds him and when she reports it she says he hung himself with macrame. "what's that?" asks the authorities. "some...folks...crafts...thing...i don't fucking know! he's dead!" responds she.
or something like that. i dunno. read the books. they're funnier.
and if one of my other friends happens to randomly kill herself, i'm not going to feel like if i'd called more then they wouldn't have because the fact of the matter is, you have to ask for help if you need it and if you just want to give up then that's not my fault.
so pardon me for caring. i won't make that mistake again.
i think everyone's really bitchy these days. at least, i hope it's not just me. because that would be rather pathetic. i think.
ho-hum.