Sleeping and Hiding in Shadows
04 February 2009 at 10:43 am

So I was driving to work today listening to "Fans" by Kings of Leon, which is something I do quite often. I flip through the songs trying to find one that doesn't belong to anyone else. You know what I mean: that song that, were your life a movie, would have been playing in the background for a particular moment you might not want to relive right at that particular place in time. "Fans" is my go-to commute song these days, which is fine, except that it always makes me cry. There's this one part, and I don't know if it's the mournful nature of Nathan Followill's voice or the lyrics:

Oh the London scene
Cause England's Queen makes you love the tales I breathe
You know the rainy days they ain't so bad when you're the King
The King they want to see

And my heart just breaks and my eyes just well up and I have to put on some crazy happy superfunk (Little Ann, anyone?) to get through it, and I'm not sure exactly why.

Another why: why do I put myself in such an emotional place before I have to be at work? Because it gives my emotions a time limit? I'm allowed to feel something, and I'm allowed to be sad, for those few minutes before I have to snap out of it and do something that has nothing to do with myself. Because when I start to feel anything, any emotion, take your pick, it inevitably all comes back to a crushing melancholy, so I swallow my emotions, I make myself numb, I learn how to act happy by surrounding myself with happy people, I learn how to act strong by surrounding myself with strong people, I learn how to act concerned by surrounding myself with caring people.

Itís not something Iím hideously concerned about, but I feel like I should be.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.