these conversations are posted here for my sake only, so really really don't feel any obligation to read them. hi, why am i typing like i'm talking to someone? the basic point is i used to be loved. i used to be missed. people used to think, "there's nothing i'd rather do than hang out with morgan tonight." i think i forgot how to be loved. the other point is everyone goes through shit and i need to realize that my shit is bad, but it's no worse than anyone else's. it's so hard to remember that i'm not the center of the world. i wish i were the center of somebody's world, though. (awwwww.) lovesick! mmm, pathetic.
LtlCluff (11:36:40 PM): yo MO
Kute Koala (11:37:07 PM): yo BE
Kute Koala (11:37:08 PM): cca
Kute Koala (11:37:16 PM): sup bebe?
LtlCluff (11:37:18 PM): SUP GIRL?? it's been a while
Kute Koala (11:37:25 PM): it's been, like, days yo
LtlCluff (11:37:27 PM): oh not much here---just being an insmoniac
Kute Koala (11:37:32 PM): sorry, i'm in random ghetto mode
LtlCluff (11:37:33 PM): for real
Kute Koala (11:37:41 PM): yay for insomnia
LtlCluff (11:37:46 PM): haha---that's cool, I'm always like that sistah
LtlCluff (11:37:52 PM): so college is a trip
Kute Koala (11:37:56 PM): you're tellin me
Kute Koala (11:38:07 PM): one crisis after another. the latest is my roommate moving out
Kute Koala (11:38:17 PM): and here i thought i was this great person, easy to get along wiht. hah.
LtlCluff (11:39:39 PM): YOU ARE! hey....at least you're not going to Muhlenberg college in shit town where you had sex in the second week (but technically it was rape) so now you're gpa is a whopping .5 and you are currently wacked on Ridaline, Dexedrine, and Aderol
LtlCluff (11:40:03 PM): but none of these drugs are having an effect on you because you drink too much, use ex, and are always high on weed
LtlCluff (11:40:12 PM): oh and then there's the acid
Kute Koala (11:40:20 PM): i think you are the one person who truly has it worse than me
Kute Koala (11:40:23 PM): so thank you for that
LtlCluff (11:40:53 PM): haha--no prob, someone has got to fill the slor
LtlCluff (11:40:56 PM): slot*
LtlCluff (11:41:24 PM): and wait till my parents find out about the tongue ring I recently got when I go home for Thanksgiving.....then it's going to be hell on earth!
LtlCluff (11:41:35 PM): anywho----sorry for my venting...how's life treating you??
Kute Koala (11:43:42 PM): let's see: i'm the hall freak, but it's getting better. the second week into school i fall in love with this random boy and have one night of really super conversation and he has yet to take a second glance at me. everytime i look at him i start crying and have to say, "morgan, you freak. get over it." i had this memory come backm to me a few weeks ago of how i got molested when i was 4 and i totally forgot about it, but tha explains a lot of my intimacy issues. i, as well, am such a pothead. everyone in my life thinks i should go on happy pills, which is the one thing i swore i would never do but it's that or keepign slitting my wrists everytime i have a bad day. oh, and my mom doesn't believe that iw as actually molested.
Kute Koala (11:46:32 PM): and back to the hall freak thing: i have to censor myself to keep the friends that i do have. otherwise, things like the roommate situation occur.
LtlCluff (11:47:05 PM): well well well Mo, it seems as though we are sadly similar...I aplogise for you woes. molestation is a bitch (yes to 6th grade), weed is a good thing so no worries there, go for the boy you could nail him in no time, you are not a freak---Candice who is here too, IS a freak, and Mom's lick balls. oh, and cutting yourself is very scarry and I hope with all my heart that you try not to do that
Kute Koala (11:47:35 PM): i was good for awhile but tonight it got to be too much
LtlCluff (11:48:06 PM): what got to be too much
LtlCluff (11:48:47 PM): the fact that there's tons of people who love you and would do anything for you? Cause I could certainly name a few, myseld included even though we slip in and out of chattiness
Kute Koala (11:49:11 PM): my roommate told me tonight she doesn't like me and wants to move out and i have a midterm tomorrow i'm not even going ot think about studying for and i saw chris (crush) tonight at the dining hall and he just waved and why did he say he would stop by saturday night and just not show up? bastard fuckwit! oooooooh, becca, you're going to make me cry!
Kute Koala (11:49:22 PM): it's so hard to feel loved when you cant' remember the last time someone hugged you
LtlCluff (11:49:59 PM): shit I wish I could run over and hug you right now
Kute Koala (11:50:27 PM): awww
LtlCluff (11:50:36 PM): PLEASE DO NOT CRY BECAUSE OF ME---here I am trying to be a pal and you tell me I'm making you cry?! no no, not going to happen....but wait...if crying makes you feel better then by all means
Kute Koala (11:50:42 PM): nooo, happy tears
LtlCluff (11:50:50 PM): and I would gladly break off your roomate's legs and beat her with them
LtlCluff (11:50:59 PM): oh, and BOYS BLOW ASS
LtlCluff (11:51:09 PM): it's been known for years
Kute Koala (11:51:21 PM): yessssss but he was sooooo sweet and i want some aaaaaccccttttiiiooooon and i ain't gettin any
Kute Koala (11:51:31 PM): so, ok, the whole rape situation. what?
LtlCluff (11:53:44 PM): haha, we all want ass! the rape thing wasn't really rape, well I don't know....it was just messed up
LtlCluff (11:54:04 PM): but my sweet---I must go read an entire book for a class tomorrow
LtlCluff (11:54:11 PM): STUDY FOR YOUR EXAM
Kute Koala (11:54:12 PM): okok. we'll talk soon, though
Kute Koala (11:54:13 PM): no!!
LtlCluff (11:54:17 PM): yes yes!
LtlCluff (11:54:21 PM): I LOVE YOU!
Kute Koala (11:54:23 PM): i love you too!
LtlCluff (11:54:25 PM): take care of yourself
Kute Koala (11:54:28 PM): toi aussi
LtlCluff (11:54:33 PM): if you ever need to call me:
Kute Koala (11:54:33 PM): oh yes, i know french
LtlCluff (11:54:48 PM): haha-----(dorm)xxx-xxx-xxxx
LtlCluff (11:54:57 PM): (cell) xxx-xxx-xxxx
LtlCluff (11:55:03 PM): PEACE YO
Kute Koala (11:55:05 PM): thanks bebe
Kute Koala (11:55:06 PM): night
LtlCluff signed off at 11:55:16 PM.
and:
Kute Koala (11:57:01 PM): ok, i didn't eat enough today and now my stomach is staring at me indignantly. "we could be digesting such glorious things as toffee bars and bubble gum ice crema, and you give us salad? psh." i want fooooood
the other point is, i really need to stop obsessing about food because it's so silly and if i enjoy it then yay and if my mom can't handle a daughter who's not 105 pounds, then that's so her problem. psh. and if boys don't want to fuck me because the girl down the hall has better legs, then that's still my problem but psh. i have a vibrator. i can deal.