The Annual Birthday Fuck Up
28 December 2010 at 6:05 pm

Of course I fucked up this morning. It's not my birthday, but close enough.

My parents are in town, and I slept in, for the first time in months that I've felt like or been able to sleep in.

I think it's because I woke up at 4am, as I am wont to do (it's my father's curse of insomnia). Normally, I would just put in an Arrested Development DVD, which are so familiar that I can usually fall asleep before the opening music segues into that first bit of televised brilliance.

But I was at the boyfriend's. Instead I got up and made a cup of chamomile, which treats me like Nyquil these days, and read Lonesome Dove for an hour before I was able to go back upstairs, where the boyfriend woke up and wanted to fuck.

So I slept until 11:30 when my mother and I had plans for a hike at 8:30 and she thought the ex-boy had murdered me.

My stepdad said, "Well, you can imagine what we were thinking!" No, I can't. I guess as a parent, you spend at least 18 years thinking of all the ways harm could befall your child. It's hard to shake, even when your child is 27 and clearly capable of taking care of herself.

They went so far as to call my work, the boyfriend, and to google the boyfriend and drive by some address associated with his name after countless calls to me and two drive-bys of my apartment yielded nothing.

So. Humiliating.

I was having a lovely dream: a friend of mine who is currently traveling through El Salvador threw a harp concert on a beach. It was beautiful, and there was a stranger who became besotted with me.

So I chose the dream instead of hiking to the hot springs with my mum, and as a result, spent all of an otherwise delicious lunch being harangued for lacking respect and empathy. My head hung accordingly.

I assuaged my guiltiness with a bit of flow:

Surya namaskar to locust to down dog to low lunge to twisted high lunge to virabhadrasana 2 to utthita trikonasana to ardha chandrasana to virabhadrasana 3 to extended big toe to side to twisted to natarajasana to standing splits to uttanasana. Repeat other side.

It helped, as it always does.

Then I went to get into the shower and became so terrified of being alone with my thoughts that I had to turn up the Beach House and Buddy Holly and serenaded the steam to avoid the sad, guilty, negative thoughts that pervade this time of the year.


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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.