22 November 2010 at 12:03 pm
We spent the majority of the surprise date at Bouchon debating whether the Socratic method is a manipulative conversational practice or a means of discovering one's true intent, followed by a disappointing discussion about how much he is dreading spending Thanksgiving with my family.
I'm rather upset about it, to be honest. There are places he'd rather be, and I'd rather he be there.
I don't need to spend the holidays with him. I thought it would be something he would enjoy, being taken out to several nice meals, having intelligent conversation, meeting my family and friends, who are all wonderful, fascinating people.
I recognize there's a certain amount of pressure, but when I told him that it's not like he's going to an audition, he said that's exactly what he would be walking into. An audition. To see if he fits in with my family.
That is, of course, exactly the wrong perspective to have, and now I'm going to spend what is usually my favorite weekend of the year, in my favorite city, with all of my favorite people, worrying about how my boyfriend is miserable.
Instead of getting high and going for long walks with my brother, sharing a bottle of champagne and spirited debates fifty floors into the fog with my mum, and taking giggly whiskey shots with Geo, I'm afraid I'm just going to be babysitting this person who loathes San Francisco, responds sarcastically when I discuss all the things I'm looking forward to doing, and is absolutely dreading getting to know my family and friends.
I asked him if he could possibly consider the idea that maybe he will have fun, that perhaps I'm arranging for him to meet intelligent, friendly people, that there's a chance my family is polite and welcoming and genial, and he just sort of scoffed.
I asked him if there was anything he was looking forward to about the weekend, and he had nothing to say.
I'm trying to be empathetic. But when someone tells me they are stepping in front of a social bullet, I think, "Then don't do it." Don't sacrifice for me. Don't suffer for anyone.
I know it can be overwhelming and stressful, how badly he wants to make a good impression, but now it's the whole Thing, and I want to disinvite him, to tell him that he deserves to do what he wants to do, not what he feels obligated to do, and that no one, least of all me, will think ill of him if he wants to have a relaxing, loving, fun holiday.
Because I do, too.
mod l post-mod