04 November 2010 at 4:54 pm

Locking this up, I explained to the boyfriend, who also had access for a brief period of time, creates a further disconnect from the stalker ex. He reads everything I write in here as a direct response to him.

"But locking it is a response," replied the boyfriend.

It is, and he responded accordingly.

But it worked.

The emails are getting shorter.

The last one read:

"depressed. how are you?"

I went to see the lady who removes the hair from my vag today. It's 15 minutes of pure pain, a very intimate therapy. She asks about the boyfriend, the teacher training, tells me about her lack of closure with a Hawaiian Capricorn.

I tell her how I broke up with the boyfriend twice in two weeks, and got back together as many times.

I told her about the ex and the stalking, and she asked why we broke up.

I said because I wasn't in love with him, and he wanted to get married.

Which is basically the same reason I keep breaking up with the current boyfriend: he frames every conversation in the context of moving in together, and I am NOT INTO IT.

I express my issues to my brother, who says, "He's coming for Thanksgiving, right? Let the family decide."

And I realize how weak and pitiful I really am, how all I've done is surround myself with strong people, how I've confused it for my own strength.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.


mod l post-mod



About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.