"Way to make it about you, asshole."
31 May 2010 at 6:57 pm

Driving through Costa Rica back to San Jose, heinous traffic made tolerable by outstanding scenery, I realized what the cages outside of our rental were: monkey-proof trash receptacles. I mention this to the group, we who left our week's worth of garbage in the kitchen, our pile of party refuse for the presumed cleaners, and the driver says, "Great. Now we're the assholes."

I get the hiccups from the shock of laughter that overtakes me: "truer words...."

Standing outside Neverland asking the security guard, who, rightly, does not dignify the request with an answer, how to gain entry, and I think to myself, "Great. Now I'm the asshole."

In an underpopulated yoga class, the instructor suggests I move to a different spot to better facilitate the energy of the room. I mishear him and set up my mat across from the only other student, joking, "It'll be like Dueling Yoga." I realize halfway through the class the instructor initially instructed me to set up my mat next to the other student, not across from him, and I inadvertently ignored him, like an asshole.

I'm walking into the ocean, not even thinking about the fact that I am walking through the path of the fishing line I watched some guy throw out. I turn around to check on my things when I realize what I've done. He shrugs at me, and I shrug at him and body surf in. I apologize, and he starts to flirt with me, but I'm in my "Great, you asshole" frame of mind, all rolling my eyes at myself, refusing to take anyone or anything seriously.

I write the ex-boy back my suggestions for his essay, and he writes back telling me to have at it. I delete the email, knowing severing all contact is the most humane action, when I realize I have broken a marine's heart on Memorial Day weekend: heartless ice queen bitch.

(That's what someone said to me at work on Saturday; ouch. But in certain contexts, truer words....)


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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.