A Good Time
13 May 2010 at 11:58 pm

Aren't we all having a good time? Aren't we all having fun? Isn't everything just the way you want it to be? Isn't life what you make it? Aren't we making it great, grand, glorious, marvelous, majestic, magical?

It scares me, sometimes, that the anticipation is always better than the reality, that it will always be more in my head than in my line of sight.

But this summer is shaping up nicely.

Bay to Breakers this weekend, tripping up the road to San Francisco with Sam's girlfriend on Friday, a Wholphin screening that evening, lunch with V on Saturday, dinner with the moms and the brother and Sam and her girlfriend, Bay to Breakers on Sunday, with my mom and Lindsey and Sam and Esp and just everyone, everyone.

My mom ran that race a few times in the 70s, she says. Now we're running it together.

Isn't it just what you never thought to hope for?

And Palm Springs, Michelle is moving to Palm Springs in a month or so, so Joanna is flying out and I am picking her up in LA and we're going to spend the 4th of July with Michelle and her babies. We're going skydiving, just like we're supposed to.

Aren't we all just so pleased with the way things worked out?

I am torn, struggling with letting myself feel the excitement build, restricting myself from planning too much and too well. It is always better when it just happens, when I just let it wash over me, the tides of life ebbing and flowing, sometimes suffocating, sometimes chafing; just let it flow, let it ebb.

I write things down on a page dated for the future, and until I turn to that page, I will not think of it.

I trained myself to avoid disappointment this way, and it worked too well. Now, if I don't write it down, it doesn't happen, or it's as though it never happened.

But I'm sure we all had fun anyway.


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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.