06 May 2010 at 8:21 am

Should I talk about the bad things first, or the good things?

Let's go with the bad.

I'm not so thrilled with the boy right now. He's kind of in the loser stage of his 20s, when he has not a lot going on, and not enough drive to get something going.

He was kicked out of school for missing a week of classes, that week we went to visit my family, but he hated it anyway and isn't going back until the fall -- maybe. In the meantime, he works as mall security, a loathsome job , and he makes no money doing it, but he feels like there are no other jobs out there. Which, there are. There's just a lot of competition, too.

You know what's a good way to get a job? Going to school.

He doesn't really see it that way, and really doesn't see school as a source of income even though he's got the GI bill going for him. He's not so into the college thing, which I can understand; there is not one thing I liked about college, except that I finished.

I've bathed in the light at the end of the tunnel. It was a long, dark, depressing tunnel, full of bores and bad sex, classist idealism and hair-pulling bureaucracy. You know what else features all of those themes quite plainly? Life in general.

My current employment in no way, shape, or form has anything to do with the degree I wrestled from my alma mater -- except for the crucial fact that going to college taught me how to deal with assholes. And everybody's an asshole. Especially the ones with money.

I can say that, because I'm an asshole. I have no patience for the general public, people who waste their time making the same bad choices over and over again.

What worries me about the boy, is that he's not really doing anything about his situation. Sure, he says he's applying for jobs left and right, which I don't doubt. But that's not how you find a job these days. The people getting hired are the ones who have some sort of personal connection. Nepotism is imperative.

I'm reminded of the days when he had money, when he spoke of all the things he could do with his free time, volunteering, writing, working with kids -- all good ideas, none of which he followed through on. Thinking he's going to change, to suddenly be offered the right opportunity, to be able to seize that opportunity, is foolish. That's why I don't see the relationship progressing any further, but I also know that there is no one else I want to date. That's how I came to realize I don't love him; I'm waiting for someone else. But for now, he loves me enough for the both of us.


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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.