03 March 2007 at 3:35 pm

You know what a bad thing to do when you're hungover is? Grocery shopping. I should not grocery shop when I am hungover, stoned, hungry, or in any state of mind when my good judgment is adversely affected by my actions.

I now have a pantry, fridge, and freezer full of food I will never eat. Salmon that will start to stink before I think of cooking it; cereal that will remain unopened until we move and I throw it away; oatmeal that I will try once just to remember why I don't like oatmeal; frozen pizzas laden with ingredients I am allergic to; fresh fruit that will grow mold until I do my monthly cleaning of the fridge, or it walks out the door by itself; brie and havarti and expensive cheddar that will sit, woefully ignored, tragically overlooked, as I scan the contents of the refrigerator and pick out the easiest and most filling thing to eat (generally, yogurt); and panko! Why did I buy Japanese bread crumbs? The world may never know, because as I tossed them into my cart, this was what was going through my head:


I called K on a whim last night to see if she wanted to go out for a cheese plate at Square 1, but she was busy planning a bachelorette party so we made plans instead to go to the worst bar on the planet, Sk@rkees. The thing about Sh@rkees is, it's a disgusting cesspool of frat boys and barely 21 sorority girls (the kind of girls who will be joining the Junior League in twenty years), the bartenders are slow, you get ID'd every twenty minutes by bouncers circling the bar, but they have ridiculously delicious margaritas for $3.00. So we met there and chatted up the value of the no-grocery-shopping diet (the only food available to me until this morning was bread and just-about-bad romaine and my dinner last night was the last of some stale crackers--but I've lost five pounds in the past week!) and I had had just about enough Sh@rkees nonsense when I had to go pick up Aaron from work, so I told her she should come meet me at the M3rc (where I work). She said she would if I promised to go to this bachelorette party tonight. I thought it was kind of a weird request, as I know neither the bride nor anyone else who will be in attendance, but she assured me it was a "more the merrier" atmosphere and there would be sushi involved, so I foolishly accepted the offer.

That's where I'll be heading tonight, since the other option -- figuring out how to make a meal with a cucumber, a demi-baguette, and dried mango slices -- isn't that appealing right at this moment in time.


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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.