In my (ill-fated, but that's another entry) short story class this quarter, we read a story about a kid who dies because his mom freaks out about money all the time and the stress kills the kid...something like that. Anyway, I'M TOTALLY THAT MOM. Aaron and I got paid today, and as I was reworking the budget I realized...there's not enough money. We need more money to make this work. More money. It haunts everything I do ... whenever I'm at work, I'm thinking how I should have come in earlier for an extra few bucks. When I'm at school, I'm thinking how I could be at work making money. When I'm going out, I'm thinking how I just can't afford it. It's not healthy to think like this, to live like everything I eat and drink is money down the drain. Aaron was going to go Christmas and birthday shopping for me today, and I told him he couldn't because I'd rather have cash than anything else. It's kind of driving me crazy, to the point that I check and recheck my credit card balances more than once a day, trying to figure out how to get it less and less. And it's all my fault that we're in this debt. I have complete control over Aaron's and my finances because that's just the way I roll, and that's why I'm working three jobs and Aaron's only working one (well, that and his job is actually his career so it's better for him to focus on just that ... plus, he takes care of all the stuff at home, laundry and the dogs and cooking and everything). Another dland I read talked recently about how she's like the 50s husband, coming home from work to a partner who hands over a glass of wine and has dinner prepared, and that's how Aaron and I work too. I got home from class yesterday and Aaron had dinner in the oven and opened a Wittekerke for me (the best cheap beer ever), and then I worry about the money while he vacuums or whatever. But that's not where I was going with this; the point is, I need an attitude adjustment. We are living within our means, we are still on schedule to get out of debt in February (especially with our tax refunds -- woot woot!), and flipping out all the time about not having enough money isn't going to make me have more money. Right? Right.
ETA: Ok, so after that little freak out I realized that I'd entered my tuition payment in twice in my checkbook, so I'm now $433 richer. Wow, I feel much better.
In other news, NO MORE CLASSES FOR THREE WEEKS. EEE!