Here's the issue: do I care? Not, like, sarcastically. I'm trying to figure out if I really, genuinely care or if I just think I do. I try to weigh the good and the bad. I try to decipher how this will affect me now and how it will affect me one, five, ten years down the road. And here is my conclusion: it can only affect me if I let it affect me. I'm not a bad person. I'm a person who has bad judgement at times, but, um, so are you (the infinite you). But I can take care of myself without relying on other people. I can fight my own battles. I've conquered all of the fears I set out to conquer four years ago when I dropped out of school. I'm ok with who I am right now. I really appreciate this entry, about a boy upset that his girlfriend doesn't love herself (Aaron gets upset about that too), and the mother's response that maybe it's not possible the way the boy thinks it is. I like certain aspects of myself and I hate others -- for example, I hate that I don't feel like I'm skinny when I am and I hate that I care, but I like that I'm aware of that fact. Joanna's whole thing about me is particularly telling: I embrace my weaknesses because they, more than my strengths, make me who I am. I don't think I can make that make sense.
The only thing I'm upset about is that I seem to have lost the person with whom I address these issues. That hurts.
I MADE A MISTAKE. I'm not sorry that I made it. I'm sorry that it hurt you, but you know what? It hurt me, too, more than you know.
I wish Obie were still alive.