And then, it doesn't matter
13 March 2005 at 10:43 pm

How I would love to get into the heads of the people around me. What does my boyfriend really think of me? What does he really think of the world we've created? Does my boss think I'm a lazy sack of shit or does he appreciate the art of looking busy that I have created? Does he really think I'm working when I'm TWoPping and Scrabbling?

Samantha - does she think I have horrible style? Is she thrilled that she's thinner than I am?

My mom - does she have any idea how much stress she causes me? How much I'd love to live the life she wants me to live? How much I wish the things that make me happy made her happy?

My dad - does he know how little respect I have for him? Is he aware that his drinking ruined his family and still affects me to this day?

My brother - what is his ideal lifestyle? What makes him happiest? How unhappy is he?

Am I kidding myself when I think that I know what the people around me are thinking?

Anyway.

splendorofmorgan: i mean, this is the time when we're supposed to have babies
a nonny moose: Ahhh...we should have babies. We could take them to the park and stuff
splendorofmorgan: our bodies are never going to be more prepared to have a baby and recover
...
a nonny moose: Plus, if i didn't love him i don't think i'd want to have babies with him
a nonny moose: So that doesn't really work
splendorofmorgan: same with aaron
splendorofmorgan: wow, i never thought about it like that before
splendorofmorgan: i wouldn't see him on the street and be like, good genes.
a nonny moose: Aaron wants to have kids, right?
splendorofmorgan: he's DYING to have kids
splendorofmorgan: he can't wait
splendorofmorgan: i found this letter that he wrote to himself when he was, like, 15
splendorofmorgan: for school, and his teacher sent it to him
splendorofmorgan: and he's so obsessed with being a better dad than his dad was
splendorofmorgan: at 15 he promised himself he wouldn't run away from the things he loved
a nonny moose: You should have a baby
a nonny moose: It would be awfully cute
splendorofmorgan: it would be the cutest baby ever
splendorofmorgan: we talk about that all the time

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.