The thing about things going well is, it's hard to talk about when they start going badly.
I was driving around with Sam the other night when a spider landed on my windshield. I screamed like the little girl that I am, poked at the window to confirm that the spider was outside of the car, continued screaming, and turned on the windshield wiper to dispose of it. Sam was not aware of the fact that I am deathly terrified of spiders and laughed uproariously at my reaction. I didn't care, phobias are ridiculous, but the part of the event that stuck with me was how she said, "Well. I didn't know that about you." She said it like, I didn't know that you were scared of anything, let alone an iddly widdly spider. Sam and I have known each other since the premiere of the last episode of Sex and the City, so for almost a year now, and our relationship has been me the preachy big sister, her the scandalous little sister. I'm the one overanalyzing her relationships and labelling all of her characteristics. She's the one insisting we go out for drinks and dancing every night.
And you know when you're so grown up that you only call your childhood friends when something happens? That's me now. There are a very few people I can talk to without running out of things to say: Sanam. Aaron's a given. Katie. Joanna and I promised each other we would never be that way, but I can't think of anything to say to her anymore. Michelle and I always talk about the same old things but it never gets boring. I can just barely stand to talk to Esp once a month -- this to the girl I could hardly stand to go a day without calling in high school. Ok, I was about to reach for my cell phone to scroll through my phone list to see who else I talk to, but that's lame. (Sarah, you'd be on here if I had your fucking phone number. Bitch.) I talk to my mom more often than I talk to the people I still call my best friends. Which, you know, yay moms ... but my friends were there when my mom and I hated each other. And now I only call most of them to say I'm coming to visit or I'm moving again or I got a promotion or whatever.
But that's normal, right? I remember asking my mom when I was very young why she didn't have very many friends and she said that you just lose touch with people, but she still gets together with college and law school friends once every few years. At some point you don't need that constant crutch, you don't need people reassuring you every step of the way, or else you've found one special someone who takes the role of your best friends. Ew, this just got all gross and corny.
I'm trying to figure out how I segued from Sam to evolving friendships (or revolving friendships, as the case may be) and I think the thing is, I used to be the girl that needed taking care of and now I can take care of other people. Anyway, the point is: I don't necessarily miss what I used to have with my friends because I don't need it anymore. Even if I don't talk with these girls for months or years I know that I can call them when I have a problem and it won't seem weird asking for help and vice versa.
So, cheers to growing up.