Did you wanna say something?
12 March 2004 at 1:40 pm

I think you can tell a lot by a person by the way they eat a grapefruit.

I knew a girl at Madeira who dove into her half with a spoon, no knife, and dug every bit of pulp out. Her grapefruit was a complete disaster by the time she was done with it. That's pretty much how she lived life: she threw herself in heads first without contemplating the best plan of appraoch.

I have a strategy when it comes to grapefruit. I slice off the bottom so it doesn't tip over. I cut each and every sector individually, right side, left side, back. After I'm done separating the pulp from the skin, I sugar it and consume it, starting with the piece to the left of the biggest piece. When I'm done, I squeeze the juice into my spoon and consume that as well.

You'd think I'd be all obsessive-compulsive about everything, but in actuality, my kitchen smells like a dumpster because I refuse to do the dishes, I only see my hardwood floors once a month when I get sick of having to decide what would and wouldn't break if I stepped on it, and I don't even own a calendar.

Sometimes, when I'm bored at work, I'll repeat what people say, just to see what they'll do. Sometimes I repeat it just how they said it, or I'll put a new spin on it:

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Customer: "Alright."
Me: "alRIGHT!"
Customer: ignores me.

Me: "Can I help you find anything?"
Customer: "Yeah, I'm looking for some black pants."
Me: "Yeaaaahhh, some blaaaaack paaaaaants."
Customer: stares at me strangely.

Me: "Let me know if you need any other sizes."
Customer: "Ok, I will."
Me: "okiwill"
Customer: "Uh..."
Me: smiles sweetly.

When there aren't any customers in the shop, I'll walk around with my tongue sticking out.

I'll make funny faces at the people in the shop who don't acknowledge me. I'll puff out my cheeks and cross my eyes when they aren't looking. I'll follow them around the store, two steps behind, mimicking everything they do. If and when they buy something, I'll stutter over all my words, and then launch into a story about how I haven't talked to anyone for three hours so I've lost the ability to communicate.

Actually, I don' tmean to do that last thing; it just happens.

I think the most frustrating thing about my job is the complete lack of purpose. I spend eighty percent of the shift trying to entertain myself. The other twenty percent, I'm sucking up to rich fucks. I don't have any homework to do. I've read every book I won at leaset three times in the past two months. It gets to the point that I'll make a list of everything I did that day and cross it off, so I feel like I've accomplished something.

Hi, Rachel! I love you!

one year ago today: "it was giggleriffic."

two years ago today: "such. a. headache." and "is it better to endure the agony of uncomfortable situations, knowing that when things get better you'll appreciate it more or would you rather be content, never experiencing the pain but never having that extreme joy?" and "i just realized that in my manic carving tonight i managed to create the sign for anarchy."

three years ago today: "why? why?"

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.