Aaron: "We're not very good about going on trips."
Me: 'What do you mean?"
Aaron: "We never get our packing done, we're always late to the airport..."
Me: "Yeah, we're really irresponsible."
Aaron: "Oh well, we're young."
Is there a deadline for using that excuse? At which age is it inappropriate to use one's age to justify one's actions? The responsible Morgan thinks that age is never an excuse, but experience is. The logical Morgan thinks that there are no excuses...if you claim lack of age, you're immature; if you claim lack of experience, you're lazy. The real Morgan thinks that excuses are the greatest thing ever, but I come from a family of lawyers, and it's a lawyer's job to come up with plausible excuses. I guess it's also a lawyer's responsibilty to negate those excuses, but I'm not going to think about it to much. Thinking is a really horrible thing when I'm as tired as I am right now, because my mind works in circles, ideally, but always runs into walls when it hasn't gotten enough sleep.
I don't feel well. I leave for Illinois tomorrow. Catrastrophe is imminent.
The only time Aaron ever wants to chat is when I want him to be quiet. Shh, Aaron. Is it normal or sad that when Aaron talks about next Christmas, I don't get excited about him making distant future plans like I used to? It's going to be shitty without him here for the next few weeks (he's staying in Illinois for awhile to recover from the surgery he's getting there), but I think it'll be healthy. Nothing like a taste of how things could be to make you appreciate how things are. I have this theory that the reason people go on vacation is so they'll appreciate being home that much more.
I have a lot of theories, but I'm lacking conviction.
I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, I don't feel contained (or constrained, for that matter) in any way, I just feel...I don't know. I'm so tired all the time. Obviously, my brain is lacking the ability to form eloquent sentences. If I started working out, I know I would feel a lot better. I'm afraid if I start feeling better by doing that one simple thing and then things get shitty again after awhile, I won't know where to turn. I have completely lost my ability to properly deal. My eyes have started doing that thing again, where they see things that aren't actually there. Shadows become beings, inanimate objects become animated...I think I'm depressed again. Maybe I've just gone insane this time. The future is so far away, and yet, only a moment later and there it is. My days have become routine and I've only just started work. Be forewarned: the next few months are going to be full of absolutely dreary entries.
I'm the sort of tired where words start looking like symbols instead of a means of valid communication. Work sucks.
one year ago today: nothin. two years ago today: nothin. three years ago today: "it's nice to be cared about." and "um. hm. so yeah."