sometimes it's difficult to tell if i'm depressed or just tired, but then a kitty will jump on my lap and nuzzle my nose and then it doesn't matter.
i ambled around the seattle center on saturday after work, catching shows here and there. the catheters would have been more fun with aaron, but the dandy warhols were worth the hour and a half it took them to set up the sound, nevermind the fact that i spent half the show looking for sarah who had decided it would be ok to stay in the back to avoid upsetting her hearing aid when really, she was a mere thirty feet from where i had originally been standing (which was directly in front of the lead singer.)
i go to shows just to say i've been to them. i don't usually have fun, i hate being in crowds, and i refuse to dance in front of anyone but myself (and aaron, when i'm feeling adventurous). i only go to have a story to tell, something to talk about, "oh, i've seen them live, they sucked." oh well.
i spent my saturday running random errands, including driving to and from queen anne to pick up coworker jen's stuff, which i am apparently keeping for her as she is in the middle of a nightmare move to bremerton. in between her calling to beg favors, i did about seven loads of laundry and was feeling thoroughly accomplished until the morning when i woke up from a dream about war games in which boys become men by having random appendages chopped off ("you have such complex dreams," comments aaron). i woke up entirely depressed and have done nothing today but sigh, whimper, and eat ice cream. stupid labor day.
i will censor myself as much as i see fit, but here is the situation: someone is pregnant. and she keeps going back and forth on whether or not to keep the baby. and she's decided not to keep it. so she's going to ru-486 it sooner or later, i guess. but she spent her saturday night eating fudge laced with thc and shrooms. and does that make any sense when you're going to be pumping your system with enough chemicals to destroy a bundle of cells in the near future? i am pro-choice. i am anti-stupid. when she was in the keeping it state of mind, she said, "but i could have a miscarriage." and it's those kind of comments that make me wonder why i bother having friends at all. i'm staying out of it.
on a similar note, we are all guilty of this but it's still really annoying when you are the victim: if a friend asks a favor, it's ok to say no, rather than insist that it's fine and then back out without so much as a phone call.
i'm glad i don't do drugs anymore. but now, all i'm left with is angst, discontent, a few laughs during uncharacteristic good moods, and the percocet that are begging to be swallowed in mass quantities.
i rubbed aaron's back last night to put him to sleep, because he was severely uncomfortable due to the influx of chemicals they're having him take in preparation for his surgery. i think it also had something to do with the fact that he took a pain pill on an empty stomach, which is why this morning i said that when my body was in cahoots there was no one around to cuddle me to sleep, which is why he said, "take a percocet right now so i can make you feel better." he, of course, is at work now. i, of course, am alone and in pain. i couldn't have it any other way.
(is this reminiscent enough for you, dear?)
my brother broke his wrist today, which probably explains the bizarre dream i had about him last night. i think i can safely declare him the unluckiest person i know.
i suppose that will be all. it's been a long weekend, and it's going to be one hell of a week. dear life: could you please stop, or at least hesistate, for a little while? i'd be much obliged. love, morgan.
one year ago today: i disappeared from the internet for a long time. two years ago today: no entry today either. a boring time of year, apparently.