you claim that you own me
05 July 2003 at 8:50 pm
i am all about the validation. i used to be all about the "fuck you, deal with it," but people like you better if you tell them that what they're doing is ok.
and generally, what people are doing is ok. well, what my friends are doing is ok. it's ok to be have a slutty phase. it's ok to get your heart broken and want to maim because of it. it's ok to be angsty. it's ok to be fucking human.
can i gitta hell yeah?
mostly, it's ok to not know. this is what i wrote to joanna of france:
//he goes into your room when you leave? why? is he totally obsessed and creepy? i went for a walk today all around belltown and lower queen anne with jen and damien. we ran into this guy ty, who jen wanted to set me up with (i was like, well, i have a boyfriend...) and it's just weird that she thought i would have tons in common with a 26-year-old. i have quite a few people convinced that i'm 22 and most people don't think of me in terms of my age, but we all went out to dinner a few nights ago and i just had nothing to contribute to the conversation. at all. jen's only 22 and in a month she's going to have a mortgage and a "real job" as a teacher. i used to think i'd be the same way -- totally settled in my lifestyle by 25 with a career and a husband (well, maybe not a husband) and kids on the way (ok, definitely not kids), i thought that's that's The Way It Is, that's How Life Goes. now that i've hung out with people in the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s who still have no idea what the fuck their doing with their life, and dont' even think of life in those terms, i feel so much better about ... i dunno, escaping from What Life Is. getting a mortgage and having a family is only one way to live life and i definitely have a choice in the matter. i don't know if that's the life i want yet, but i have the rest of my life to decide. i don't have to have everything figured out by the time i'm 20, 30, or 90. i'm never going to have all the answers and i'm always going to have questions, and That's Ok. i've accomplished everything I wanted to this year: i've learned, or at least realized i have the capability, to appreciate the present. i'm very proud of myself.
appropriate: "it might seem silly for me to think childish thoughts like these, but i'm so tired of acting tough and i'm gonna do what i please." if you haven't heard hotel yorba by the white stripes, you should listen to it and you probably won't like it but you'll see why i do. i appreciate you so much. awwwww.
>Subject: Re: love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you
>Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2003 02:42:18 -0700 (PDT)
>well, i hope tihs doesn't make you feel even more bored, but i am so glad i didnt come back to seattle. I htink by the time is over i'll be happy to come home though and i will cherish the routine. Yesterday i met up with Denise and her niece Erin (americans) and went to the eiffel tower. I dont like going places with people because i dont feel so free to do what i want (ie spend half an hour on a photo) Erin is 17, supersheltered, stays home until Denise gets off work because she's too scared to go out by herself, and this if her first time abroad. she's nice, but obviously we have different tastes. So i think denise wanted me to hang out with erin, which i dont relalh mind, so i i'm taking her to the park today. I guess the way i travel is unique because seems like i haven't met a single person who i truly enjoy doing things with. or maybe i just like travelling alone.i still hate tanguy-we are on civil terms now but it drives me crazy becuase i know he goes in my room after i
> leave and that he tries to listen to my phone conversations through the door. he's not some crazy freak-hes just....annoying. it also sucks becuase i'm living with the owner of the apartment so it doesnt feel like my place and i feel like i have to tiptoe around. He invited me to a party tongiht but hell no i am not going anywhere with him. i really want to see what the locals do here, but it would be better if i had someone to go with. just for safety reasons. i was going to go to a club last night but thought the metros might be dangerous. ive been trying to check out places i can take my sister to. she will be here for 2 weeks in august and so i think we're going to Berlin and after my dad leaves we wnat to go party in AMsterdam.
>Do you Yahoo!?
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i have a confession to make. i don't yahoo.
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