i have been feeling so fucking insane the past few days, ever since i got back from california. i think it has to do with the extreme change in climate, the fact that i had to inhale recycled air for 4 hours over the weekend in the plane, and the fact that my nose is going to fall off in one big, gross snot slide. fuck you, pollen.
my day starts out fabulously: i haven't been late to work for weeks, and i have time to put makeup on in the morning as well as cuddle with the boy for a few minutes before i begin my 15-minute manic drive to wallingford. from there, it's all downhill. right around breaktime, when i go outside to smoke my second cigarette of the day, my body starts flipping out. i get crampy and all my joints feel like they're about to dissolve, and not in a nice alka-seltzer way; it's more of how i would imagine an atom bomb destroys molecules. right, so then i have to spend the rest of my day standing in three-inch heels (i don't know why i do this to myself), avoiding customers at all costs.
and i've been extremely emotional, and it can't be pms and i'm not pregnant because my period just ended. and normally once my period starts, my mood swings disappear for a few weeks.
we watched best in show last night and i cried at the end. i'm insane.
and sometimes i have to sleep right next to aaron or i don't sleep at all and sometimes i have to have the whole bed to myself. poor boy, he has one bedhog of a dog on one side and an insane girl on the other. and we haven't had sex in days, which is highly unusual, because come 8pm all i want to do is sleep. it kind of feels like the flu, but maybe it's just psychosomatic. maybe it's leftover stress from going home. or i'm worried about the fact that aaron just got fired (A.R.G.H.). or i'm worried about san francisco and if i'm going to have to tell aaron over the phone that i don't want him to move down or if i'm going to miss him too much and want him to move sooner. or i'm worried about losing too much weight because all of a sudden my metabolism has switched gears and i don't want to be a size 6, i like being a size 8, and my dress for my mom's wedding won't fit. (oh, shut up). or maybe it's my mom's wedding and a whole new family to deal with (funny: i was snooping through one of the boy's rooms and found a picture of my future step-father ... WITH A MULLET!!!!). or maybe it's my dad and his stupid life.
the good news, of course, is that i got a promotion at work and will make 11some dollars per hour come june, which equals out to $1838 a month. rock the motherfuck on.