"every passing minute is a chance to turn everything around" = philanthropic bullshit
09 May 2003 at 9:40 am
"i'm falling," as he leans down to kiss me.
"for me?" as i push him upright.
"everytime i see you, i fall for you all over again." i was pure puddle.
i was also very stoned. knife hits! woo hoo!
after we watched vanilla sky (i want to see the original ... i have a feeling cameron crowe wanted his version to be So Much Different that he ODed on the A.I.-ness ... draw out the science fiction much?), i got this annoying rush of love and adoration and told him something along the lines of, "i love you enough to forgive you for the most heinous thing you could ever do in a relationship." he, of course, starts crying because i never said that i forgave him. i, of course, wonder how much i just fucked everything up.
oh well. once the emotional masochism was out of the way, the sex was faboo.
and i slept fabulously for about three hours and then had to wake up and pick up coworker jen and go to work. i'm getting too old for this schedule. oh man, i remember back in the old days, way back in 2002, i would stay up for a day and a half for no reason at all. i could go from concerts in pomona to clubs in l.a. and be back in santa barbara the same night.
i didn't really enjoy doing any of that stuff, partying for days at a time, being stoned off my ass for months straight... i just did it because i thought it would make me interesting. it's like i told my therapist at the time: if i can't figure out what makes me happy, i'll try as many things as possible just to have some stories to tell. something like that. glad i did it, glad it's over.
i'm wearing mascara today for the first time in weeks. last night aaron said, "it's nice that you're the kind of girl who can get away without wearing makeup."
i'm also wearing pigtails, but that has nothing to do with anything.
p.s. when you're not on birth control, the best day of the month is the first day of your period. woo hoo!
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