and i'm not even drunk
08 March 2003 at 1:06 am

singing to sad music, the phone rings and it's angela and she's picking me up because i need to get out and away from neverending laundry.

driving a few blocks to the house, i mention a slight interest in perhaps purchasing shrooms and her brother is on the phone to five different dealers trying to hook up an ounce for me.

sitting on the couch listening to hole, the nice boys have a beer opened for me before my last is finished and a cigarette lit in my mouth before i have time to ask.

saying my nicetomeetyouseeyoulaters, i discover i am welcome there anytime.

climbing the steps to my building, a girl drunkenly stops me and says, "i like your hair."

i say, thank you.

i don't regret anything i've done. i've learned and appreciated enough to know life is nothing with regret. i regret only that which i did not do: not giving travis a chance, not forgiving my father earlier, not kicking claire's ass when i had the chance.

i don't regret getting caught singing in the car, even if it was to the getup kids. i don't regret meeting someone's eyes on the street as they watch me dance, even if i was in a bra and shorts. i don't regret the time i loved him because i will love the next boy that much better because i will know love is and isn't.

i won't regret leaving a party with nice, albeit alcoholic drug dealing, boys to finish my laundry. i won't regret picking him up at 6am and sleeping in the same bed as him for the last time. i won't regret the sex/lovemaking/fucking/whatever we've done since we broke up because it was so amazing and maybe THIS was the last time we will be together like this.

i won't regret the money i've spent or the time i've given [not wasted] or the anger i've felt because it was all necessary to make me who i am today.

and i am fucking amazing, so fuck you.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.