more excuses
04 March 2003 at 9:33 am

i didn't mean to stay that long, but there's always more to say.

i didn't mean to let him hold me so tight, but i needed to be touched.

i didn't mean to stare so deeply into his eyes, but i was looking for the reason i fell in love with him.

i didn't mean to kiss him, but nothing's felt more right. i've never felt such desperate kisses.

i didn't mean to get so wet, but his cunniligus skills have improved dramatically in the past week. i certainly didn't mean to come so hard, but god dammit, it felt good.

i didn't mean to fall asleep, but i was so tired and his body was so warm and his arms held me so tight and my back hurt from sleeping on the floor in my apartment and i just wanted to pretend that things were alright again.

i mean, he took advantage of my love for 5 months; why should i take advantage of his vulnerability?

rushing back to my apartment this morning to change for work, i got in a car accident and it was my fault but there was no real damage so hopefully the guy won't call. this totally makes up for the time someone backed into my car and i let it go. karma, people. carma.

something i wrote, ironically, the monday before i found out: //I wondered what love would be like, because it's so godamn popular. Just wait, they said, euphoric, joyous, the only thing worth living for. All reason flies out the window and you don't know what you're doing but it's ok because, dude, it's love! So there I am, impatient as shit, peple telling me it'll come when you least expect it, have patience, just wait just wait just wait it'll happen! We promise!

And the, fuckin' a, boom, it happens. The universe delivers unto me a boy, out of nowhere, wait a minute, how did this happen? Where am I, what am I doing, who are you and what are you doing with my heart? Fuck you, don't manipulate my thoughts like this! Put that proverbial organ back where you found it and walk away, buddy, just walk away. Don't you even think about taking a piece of it, not even a tiny chunk, it's barely surviving as is. Just set it down, I'll put it away, bury it underneath all the bittermemories and cynical thoughts. Ah yes, thank you, I'll take that, but why is there another heart here with it and why is it yours? I didn't ask for it, I don't want it, take it back and let's leave well alone. We can't keep doingthis, trading hearts, sharing love, it's archaic, it's pointless, and eventually, it will blow up in our faces.//

hm.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.