too sweet OMG
29 November 2002 at 9:51 am

last night, my first thanksgiving away from my mom, was spent with my cherry sweatpants, my marilyn tank, my comforter, and romy and michelle's high school reunion.

but, you know, whatever.

i dropped aaron off at his friend's for dinner but was not up for being around anyone i wasn't completely comfortable with. so i cleaned instead. and tonight, i will clean more. and tomorrow, i was clean a lot more.

this period of the year, from thanksgiving to new year's, is the worst time of year for me. not only am i depressed from SAD grossness, but i HATE christmas and i HATE my birthday and i HATE that obligation to Eat Drink and Be Merry, Dammit!

last night, judd was making thanksgiving at our house (something joanna neglected to tell us, assuming that everyone was going to be gone ... only a big deal because she didn't tell us) and he said, "aaron can be an asshole sometimes." and i said, "yeah." and he said, "you should know that you don't have to take that. you don't deserve it." which was a very valid point.

maybe i'm just exhausted and depressed, but i'm a week away from breaking up with him. i'm gonna wait til he gets up on his feet with his new job and then i'll knock him back down again, because the world, after all, is against him.

he doesn't act very grateful, and he may love me, but he doesn't do it very well. he doesn't understand me. he's said he wants to know every little thing about me, but he won't let me finish anecdotes.

sigh.

i like being loved and i like being in love, but who knows.

i am reminded of a moment from margaret cho's "notorious c.h.o" that goes a little something like this:

"you know when the light is shining through the windows in the morning, washing over your loved one in bed, and as you gaze at him or her all you want to do is scream, 'I HATE YOU!!!!' but you can't break up with them because, i dunno, maybe you have concert tickets in a few weeks or he still owes you money or something...."

yay relating to fabulous comediennes.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.