so, i did stuff today. this is a big step...you know, doing stuff. AND i woke up before noon. woot. the day still ended on a bad note involving parking tickets and shit (not recent, from months ago) and my crying on the phone to my mom (she called me) about how i'm a fuckup blah blah deedle doo. i felt an all-too familiar panic rising up my spine and started pulling out my hair in hopes of...i dunno, someone seeing me and thinking i'm psycho and hospitalizing in one of those valley of the dolls-ish week-long sleep things. yeah. i'm hungry. when i was in redding all i would do was keep track of what i ate. not in an anorexic way, in a "hey, food's yummy, let's see how much i can fit in my tum at one time, well would you look at that!" way. and now i'm fat. and nobody likes a fat girl. fat girls suck. skinny girls blow. i don't have any hangups about my body at all. my brother tells me to be normal. he begs: "PLEASE! just BE NORMAL." he bribes, "you can have some of my chicken salad if you'll just BE NORMAL."
well, honey, i don't know what world you've been living in, but this is normal.
it's just that, why does it seem like none of my friends are normal like i am?
i finally started my period today. not that there's any reason that's a relief...not like there's any way in hell i could be pregnant (oh god, if only) or anything. i never keep track, so it's always a nice little surprise. "Hi! How's it going? Listen, I need a place to stay for a while...my last landlady, Mrs Uterus, kicked me out, can you believe it? Something about not getting a deposit or something. Mind if I chill for a bit? Ooo, thanks!"