last night, peter tried to seduce me.
unless i was drunk and misunderstanding his intentions.
he went with a very formulaic approach. step 1: mention sex ("so how long has it been since you've had sex?" me: a month. him: a week.) step 2: compliment girl ("you have a very nice back." wha?) step 3: mention horniness ("have you ever just been in one of those moods where you just want some ass?") step 4: offer physical affection ("would you like a massage?") step 5: when blatantly denied, kick girl out ("welp, i'm going over to jay's.")
oh, peter, we've been through this.
there is a store in my town called REEF MADNESS. down the street lies a store called FAT PIPE.
the former is a fish store. the latter is a computer repair shop.
dude. my town rocks.
and by rocks, i mean sucks donkeyballs.
our new housekeeper rocks. she's telling me how drunk she got last night. woot.
Alemona34 (2:31:15 PM): was running my little chicken butt off yesterday
Alemona34 (2:31:16 PM): and found a sign for a roomate wanted...
Alemona34 (2:31:26 PM): and the request was from a boy named simon
Alemona34 (2:31:28 PM): .
theglitterfades0 (2:31:29 PM): GAH
Alemona34 (2:31:32 PM): so i got his number for you
theglitterfades0 (2:31:39 PM): lol !!!
Alemona34 (2:32:23 PM): c'mon, how often do you run into a simon?
Alemona34 (2:32:25 PM): yeah?
Alemona34 (2:32:38 PM): just say, "I'm surveying simons for my love life, please send me a picture."
theglitterfades0 (2:32:51 PM): that would be highly amusing
Alemona34 (2:32:52 PM): and a writing sample, or something
Alemona34 (2:32:56 PM): always a writing sample.
theglitterfades0 (2:33:08 PM): but of course
Alemona34 (2:33:11 PM): and what kind of shoes do you wear
Alemona34 (2:33:27 PM): because if he says adidas or some shit then you'll no there is no love to be had
Alemona34 (2:49:33 PM): i love this:
Alemona34 (2:49:33 PM): in the bible, there is a heading that says, "Jesus Predicts his death"
theglitterfades0 (2:49:34 PM): i cried yesterday
Alemona34 (2:49:35 PM): it's like a miracle
theglitterfades0 (2:49:38 PM): lol
theglitterfades0 (2:49:43 PM): "hark! i will die!"
Alemona34 (2:49:44 PM): "I am going to die some day," says Jesus.
Alemona34 (2:50:01 PM): oh no
Alemona34 (2:50:10 PM): amen!
Alemona34 (2:50:25 PM): you are LORD!
Alemona34 (2:50:25 PM): lol
Alemona34 (2:50:44 PM): why'd you cry
Alemona34 (2:50:57 PM): Morgan wept.
theglitterfades0 (2:50:59 PM): i fucking CRIED after reading fucking JOHN IRVING'S fucking STORY about a fucking BEAR and then i listened to fucking PHANTOM PLANET'S fucking CALIFORNIA and i was IN THE CAR and i CRIED
Alemona34 (2:51:20 PM): why the fucking bear story?
theglitterfades0 (2:51:28 PM): it's a huge long story
Alemona34 (2:51:30 PM): i don't remember that being so sad
theglitterfades0 (2:51:49 PM): but basically, the bear embarrassed himself and his owner tried to make him feel better but he just sat there and pushed her hand away
theglitterfades0 (2:51:56 PM): and i sobbed like a leetle bebe
Alemona34 (2:52:11 PM): i had a sex dream last night
Alemona34 (2:52:18 PM): and the guy in it was named Bonobo
Alemona34 (2:52:19 PM): ...
Alemona34 (2:52:38 PM): I didn't realize that was a monkey until i woke up and was taking a shower
theglitterfades0 (2:52:49 PM): between my simon and your bonobo, we're not going ot fall in love anytime soon
theglitterfades0 (3:04:57 PM): i juts nibbled on my fingernail and got grittyness in my teeth
Alemona34 (3:05:14 PM): you're super cute today
theglitterfades0 (3:05:30 PM): if by supercute you mnean supergross, then hells yeah!
Alemona34 (3:07:39 PM): i means super carrot!
theglitterfades0 (3:07:56 PM): yars!
Alemona34 (3:08:15 PM): i saw your boyfriend who you barfed on that one night ...
Alemona34 (3:08:17 PM): he's so nice
theglitterfades0 (3:08:42 PM): yeah, he is
theglitterfades0 (3:08:49 PM): wow. i rock.
Alemona34 (3:08:56 PM): i know
Alemona34 (3:08:57 PM): !
theglitterfades0 (3:09:21 PM): I MISS ANIMANIACS
Alemona34 (3:10:43 PM): i don't
theglitterfades0 (3:10:57 PM): heigh. fuck you.
theglitterfades0 (3:19:05 PM): woot!
Auto response from Alemona34 (3:19:06 PM): Finally got the AA batteries, Morgan.
theglitterfades0 (3:19:11 PM): woot woot!