and would somebody please just drive their car a little too fast around a corner so it wouldn't have to be my fault?
if i had the energy, i would be bleeding a lot right now. but the little ball of fury i've been hiding away for the last 3 years has been eating away at my ability to do anything, least of all maintain sanity. how am i going to do all the things that NEED to be done tomorrow? like pack? like get myself off the lease? like get myself withdrawn from school? like go to work? like breathe?
melodrama is great, ain't it? i don't know if i want to die because i don't want to live or because i can't live with how lame i am.
tonight my therapist said redding is the worst place for me. i agreed. i'm going to spend the next 3 months doing any drug someone shoves at me, drinking every shot that makes itself available to me, fucking up the way my brother has. it's that or rot away to a dismal existence. i may as well have some stories to tell when i jet off to seattle.
oh yeah, that's a great philosophy. "eh, may as well see how stupid i can get."
blargh. lsdkjaf;lskdjf;lkasjdflk;sdjcvklsdj;fdlka;sf. i mean, really, that's all it comes down to, right?