squeek
08 May 2002 at 10:11 am

am scared to go to student health as psychiatrist may say, "you aren't fucked up, you're just stupid. go away." and i'll be forced to stay another 4 weeks here. fuck you, school.

that joint i rolled yesterday turned out to be not so bad after all. i smoked it while driving to IV (see, just stupid) and managed to do the absolute most perfect parallel parking job ever, especially considering i wasn't in my right mind. what kind of phrase is that anyway? "in my right mind." am i in my left mind? the wrong mind? what? fuck you, weird phrases.

i spent a good 45 minutes sitting in my car paranoid of every voice i thought i heard. i ended up in the back seat hiding from the world, then fell asleep for a few minutes. after i woke up i realized what i dorkus i was being and walked back. fuck you, paranoia.

it's 1:25a now and i have returned from manic errand-ness. the appt was shitty. the psychiatrist was a temp replacement for the guy i met with in february so she didn't know the procedure for withdrawing and getting out of contracts and shit so now i have to do that and i absolutely do not have the energy for that. and she was like, you need a tetanus shot. i told her i had been developing bulimia but it was the binging i was concerned about, and she was just so ... superior about everything. fuck you, complications.

but she gave me a prescription for prozac, so i can be extra cliche. fuck you, prozac nation.

joanna sent me some pictures, mostly from the batch of nudes i took senior year. oh, to be 120 lbs again. my hair is 5 inches below my shoulders in the pictures, and long hair does not suit me at all. so glad it's gone all gone. fuck you, hair.

i went to long's to get my rx filled and ended up almost crying while looking through the fucking hallmark cards. if this does not prove just how unstable i am, i don't know what does. fuck you, sentiment.

i almost started crying in the car when i thought how mrs. lafield told me in 8th grade how...i dunno, how i was going to change the world or something. and then talking with my brother last night when i jokingly said, "yeah, think what this brain of mine is capable of" and him saying, "you're right, but you aren't using it very well." fuck you, potential.

i drove around for 45 more minutes looking for fucking barlein and co and finally found it only to be told that i have to call this number because the guy i need to talk to is out until tomorrow. fuck you, real estate.

i made it to the bank who said the $655 was deposited back into my account. so how do i only have $300 available? and how do i owe carlo $1355? last night he kind of half-threatened me, telling me his friend suggested calling the police on me. uh, what? "hi, i'd like to report a theft. see, this girl owes me a shitload of money for ... uh ... stuff ... uh ..." considering my legal background, he would get his ass kicked in court. due to my unstable state of mind, i was coerced into accepting these drugs as a favor because he wanted to get rid of them before the DEA caught ahold of the drug ring he's created. i'd get off fairly easy for ratting him out; he'd be in a shitload of trouble. and i am going to pay him back, dammit. i just don't know where the money's going to come from. fuck you, bank.

i think i'll go to camino real, hook up some chai, and see a movie to get my mind off all this bullshit. and i'm not going to be lame like the last time i saw a movie by myself. i would link that to the corresponding entry, but i'm lazy. fuck you, lethargy.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.