let me tell you about my day.
[alright.]
after my religious studies class i got my car and came to pick up cary and andrew. we stopped off at kmart and i got gas and we got smoothies (peanut butter smoothes are goooooood) and then we took off for their campsite.
[sounds good.]
yeah. so i remember seeing a sign for the PCH (hw 1) driving down 101 S so we head south for 30 minutes, see the sign, and get off on that exit. but wait...there's a sign saying that to get to PCH we have to take 101 N.
[oh fuck.]
yeah. so we drive the 45 minutes to PCH and then drive another 20 to the exit for jimala and then drive another fucking 30 minutes down this really windy road and finally get to the campsite and i chill by the beach for a while and smoke a bit and cary gives me a backrub.
[wow, you're such a good friend for driving them all that way.]
yeah, i know.
quote from suzzi, again: "let's stop talking about it, let's just do it!" when we were deciding when to go to the coffee shop espresso roma.
i just got back from there with my girls and future roommates, and it was so nice all 4 of us hanging out, drinking coffee (almond steamer for me, please), eating bland pizza, and smoking. we hadn't all been in the same room, let alone chilled together, for weeks and now we're all friends again.
and i still can't be happy. i smile but it doesn't reach my eyes. i laugh but it's forced, in my throat. i contribute to the conversation but am silent most of the time. i have no energy, no desire to do anything but sleep. and i want to see adam, which is terrible because he's very far away and i think i'm idealizing.
[idealizing? but morgan, you NEVER idealize. ever! you're such a non-dreamer. you live in such a reality.]
oh shut up.
i think i'm going to go visit sarah because she gets it, now, perhaps, more than ever.