willing life to stop, just for a little while
15 February 2002 at 1:14 pm

stress. have overdrawn $59.something from checking. am getting $80.00 paycheck this week and next week, then $30.00 the week after. Fuck. money! dwindling! must...stop...spending...gaaaaahhh!

but will not stress. will neither lose nore gain sleep over this. will not think of new coat and new dress in closet (on new express credit card). (the coat was $30.00, taken down from $150.00. resistance was futile. the dress, on the other hand, was $60.00 and could have been resisted. but 15% was saved, due to credit card. etc). will not think of new shoes on floor. (already paid for, from delias. and are super hip. shiny silver military boots.)

will instead smoke, read, and listen to third eye blind. i forgot about them.

will also not think about 2 upcoming papers to be written, in addition to the hundreds of pages to be read, in addition to fact that am getting fucked over by (a) in n out and (b) ad efx/gemini hair company.

will not think about not getting fucked over by stupid, annoying, but nonetheless irresistible boys.

will not think about the fact that no one no one no one in the therapy dept is accepting new clients.

will not even consider the mess of my room, nor the shit i've been eating recently.

will focus on the fact that i've been running everyday and that's good for me. will focus on the fact that i got action last weekend. will focus on the fact that i'm cute enough for me. will focus on the fact that i'm not happy and am indeed sad but there's no severe disturbance in my life that won't be fixed over the next month. i mean, besides the depression. but i'm getting there.

will focus on my fabulous friends and my fabulous mother and my fabulous father. will not even consider the boy who has been given the title of 'brother' but does not live up to it and even though he lives 10 minutes away has not visited me.

will recognize all but one of my major problems right now are due to my own misbehavior. will not take out on anyone else. will gain control of various situations and will realize that things will work out in the end.

the end being the point of time in which things get fucked up again.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.