i had some thoughts while i was up in the mountains last night.
i do not enjoy meteor showers and i do not understand the appeal. i thought i enjoyed them, but i don't. shooting stars are supposed to be special and treated as individuals. if one is missed, it's a tragedy because who knows when the next one will be? during meteor showers, if you miss one it's ok because another will be along in a moment. this occured to me last night and it depressed me so i had to climb into the back of anne's car and go to sleep. then i got a horrendous headache.
it was all quite unfortunate, because the evening started out grand. the fire alarm went off so the entire dorm was stuck outside for 30 minutes in absolute cold. i got rather drunk and was enjoying myself in anne's car -- headbopping to random 92.9 shit -- which is always enjoyable. then we get to the rave and i am just not a raver. i always think i am...i always think, i can watch the glowsticks and oooooooooo aaaaaaaaaa. no, i'm just not a raver.
i think, for the most part, i enjoyed myself though. watching people have fun is what makes me smile. i think the quote most fitting for last evening, however, was
//Maybe I don't enjoy fun//
from The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing.
I once told someone I've never felt completely understood, and I think this is the part of me no one has gotten. How I can never have fun. Or if I am having fun, how I can never express that. I live life through a poker face, and I can't pinpoint the reason why but oh well.
By 'have fun,' i meant the stereotypical having fun. Raves. Frat parties.
The last time I remember really having uncontrollable-laughing fun was with Joanna that one night we smoked 3 bowls and went driving. But I've never been one for big settings of people. So why do I keep putting myself in those situations? Because, like my brother constantly used to tell me: I have to experience things. So I'm experiencing things.
a highlight of the evening was standing around the dancing area thinking about how no one gives a shit if i were to wander off into the woods and some random guy comes up and asks if i'm alright. hurrah, universe.
and hurrah, trader joe's cranberry almond crunch.
oh, and a thought I had while I was drifting off this morning at 5am. is it important to have thoughts just to have them? is thinking the thought enough? or is it the sharing of the thought that matters? i was considering this becaus i was doing some hardcore contemplating but was too tired to find paper and i was worried i would never think these thoughts again.
and the worlds keeps spinning and the stars keep shooting.