alright, so a good day was had by all. managed to eat twice my body weight (give or take) in the span of 3 hours (munchies!) AND discovered some more people I genuinely don't like. first of all, the point: my happiness directly correlates with how much I eat; thus, I am getting quite tubby, especially since I didn't work out today. secondly, i normally take 5 minutes to judge whether I will get along with a person or not, and I am right 99% of the time. exceptions to the rule have been cheyenne and...that's about it. but since it's college and mind-expansion is the focus of every day and i've been smoking a lot of pot, i've been very open-minded when it comes to people. tonight proved that i really need to trust my first instinct if i want to keep my annoyance to a minimum.
so, after a delightful lunch with christine (whom i really enjoy, but the whole relationships is confusing because i know she didnt' like me at one time, and may still not like me, but is being exceedingly nice to me but whatever) i came back and saw aurora in the bathroom, who invited me to freebird's (24-hr yummy burrito cafe) and i said yeah and went to get high so i would be able to fit a burrito in there along with lunch. so i'm all munchified and we're walking over there, and the whole fucking way the 3 girls i was with were gossiping like motherfuckers about this one girl. and how she talked shit about this other girl and then pretended to be all nico to her when she was around. i was just looking at them thinking, "and this is different because...you're god?" but i figured that (a) i'm stoned and anything i saw isn't going to make any sense anyway and (b) it's college and if people (girls) are going to be mean and stupid (fucking cunts), that's they're problem. while we were consuming burritos, two of the girls were going off on sex with their boyfriends and it was amusing but after an hour of "oh my god, sometimes my boyfriend just like goes for HOURS and i'm like, DAMN, boy, i'm TIRed" i was ready to go. the walk back was spent fantasizing about running into chris and him saving me from inane girl chatter. didn't happen.
and, ok, not that i haven't vented about people. and i've certainly downright bitchily gossiped, but not since high school (yeah, a mere 6 months since....shut up) and very rarely about girls who thought i was their friend.
and it actually really does suck, because i thought they were totally cool. i thought, hey, i'll have friends and it'll all be good and maybe i won't have to leave. but no. now i realize that it's not me who has to grow up; it's everyone around me. i can't handle this juvenile atmosphere because it brings me down, forces me to participate in it and then i hate myself. it's like there's the Professional Morgan, the girl who's always watching me and telling me, "morgan,you idiot, what are you doing?" and is thinking 10 minutes ahead of every action and then there's Carefree Morgan, the girl who's thinking "what the fuck!" and who's halfway through an action before she realizes what she's done. when i've reached some sort of equilateral between the two, that's when i've achieved inner poise (katie). so today, i had done that before dinner. afterwards, i was at the very end of the high and slept for fuckign 4 hours.
mmmm. savoring nap-y goodness.
shit, it's midnight and....wow! i actually did my homework today! wooo hoooo! so i should study and such, but jd salinger's calling my name. jd salinger is also recommended to those of you seeking inner poise.