I cut my hair. By myself. Just pulled it over my head and chopped it off. And it looked bad, but then i cut some more, and it looks Damn Good. Cute and Spunky.
Maybe simon (who is chris again. oh my god, i saw him twice today and the first time i didn't look at him (christine said he was looking right at me, but he was glaring, but he always glares) and didn't feel anything and was proud, but then i saw him again and he was wearing a beanie and he is just So Gorgeous, but only to me. anyway, i literally stopped breathing and had to cough to make myself start again. i was getting really depressed from that, so i went outside and wrote in my journal for a good hour and a half (from 5-6:30, so afternoon to dusk) in hopes of seeing simon, but alas, to no avail. however, was extremely cathartic and felt 100 times better. i wrote 9 1/2 pages.
did i mention i dreamt about simon again last night? woke up all warm and cozey and happy, thinking had boyfriend. stupid fucking subconscious
Kute Koala (9:47:04 PM): ok, just cut it again and it looks much better
Nrmurthy01 (9:47:49 PM): ok.......take a picture
Nrmurthy01 (9:47:58 PM): do you enjoy cutting things from yourself
Kute Koala (9:48:28 PM): surely better than cutting self, yes?
Nrmurthy01 (9:49:05 PM): yes
Nrmurthy01 (9:49:07 PM): I suppose
Kute Koala (10:01:04 PM): ok, new one sent
Nrmurthy01 (10:01:12 PM): MUCH better
Kute Koala (10:02:48 PM): yes
Kute Koala (10:02:49 PM): agreed
Nrmurthy01 (10:03:02 PM): I dont want you to dye it
Nrmurthy01 (10:03:07 PM): its a cool auburn now
Kute Koala (10:03:13 PM): we'll see
Nrmurthy01 (10:03:29 PM): NO!
Kute Koala (10:03:35 PM): ah!
Kute Koala (10:03:37 PM): i wouldnt' bleach it
Nrmurthy01 (10:03:53 PM): don't use yourself as an excuse to get back at all the conformists
Kute Koala (10:04:01 PM): i'm using myself to get back atr myself
Kute Koala (10:04:02 PM): is that ok?
Nrmurthy01 (10:04:29 PM): sorry I closed the window...is what ok?
Kute Koala (10:04:45 PM): Kute Koala (10:04:01 PM): i'm using myself to get back atr myself
Nrmurthy01 (10:05:08 PM): that doesn't even make any sense
Kute Koala (10:05:28 PM): ok, i'm using myself to get back at my old self who was scared to cut her hair because of what other people think
Kute Koala (10:05:33 PM): but now i'm just like, what the hell, who cares, i want to
Kute Koala (10:05:49 PM): brb
Kute Koala (10:08:48 PM): k
Nrmurthy01 (10:09:23 PM): makes sense.......I guess.............but it could also be that you feel the need to outwardly separate yourself because that's what you feel inwardly
Kute Koala (10:10:35 PM): which is actually pretty stupid, but it's true
Nrmurthy01 (10:10:46 PM): yeah well
Kute Koala (10:11:10 PM): well yeah
Nrmurthy01 (10:11:33 PM): so it has nothing to do with all that crap about doing it for "yourself"
Kute Koala (10:11:40 PM): it's all about other people
Nrmurthy01 (10:11:52 PM): IT IS!
Kute Koala (10:12:02 PM): it always is. i dont' wear mascara to make myself feel better. i wear it to make other people feel better about me.
Nrmurthy01 (10:12:12 PM): its your own insecurities
Kute Koala (10:12:20 PM): of which i have many
Kute Koala (10:14:38 PM): ok, really going to go shower now. bbl.
Nrmurthy01 (10:14:43 PM): bye
Kute Koala (10:31:45 PM): back
Nrmurthy01 (10:31:51 PM): wow.....that was quick
Kute Koala (10:32:34 PM): i know, shower time used to be 30 minutes when washing hair
Kute Koala (10:32:37 PM): now 10!
Nrmurthy01 (10:32:42 PM): there's a plus!
Kute Koala (10:32:53 PM): yup!