hypothetically speaking, of course
2001-08-12 at 2:45 p.m.

i've been very blah lately. i went to see the princess diaries last night with jenn and maybe it's cause i was just getting off a high but it was terrible terrible. and i need to be completely sober when hanging out with jenn...otherwise, i get really impatient and mean.

hypothetical question i've been mulling over in my mind. joanna was telling me that one should never have sex on ecstasy because it'll never be as good (sidenote: this is not from her experiences) ever again. so, would you rather have that one mindblowing experience knowing nothing would ever live up to it or go through life being satisfied with what you have, knowing there was something better out there but not seeking it? I'm all about the instant gratification, so I'd go for the mindblowing experience, but that's just me.

In 8th grade, I had this amazing teacher, Olivia LaField, and her focus for the school year was bettering one's self. Her other deal was accepting one's self. this never made sense to me; if you should accept yourself, why would you want to change yourself? hmm.

so, the gap "family" hates me. they keep cutting back my hours. yesterday, for example, i was supposed to work 11:30-5:45, but they told me to leave at 2 because "we aren't as busy as we expected." today, they call (at 9:30am on a sunday!!! what were they thinking?) and tell me not to come in til 4:30, as opposed to the 1-8 shift I was supposed to work. I understand; I mean, I'm not a truly terrible employee but I'm not exactly employee-of-the-month material. But there are other people who aren't great who get more hours! Grr. And I want money! I'm not going to be getting very much money from the art dealing thing. It was $150 last month and it'll probably be something like $80 this month, since I only have 3 more paintings to put up.

I just want the first month of college to be over with so I'll know that I can have friends beyond those I've known since I was 12 and so I can move past this stalemate in my life (does that make any sense?) My horoscope says August is supposed to be this hot and heavy month for me in the boy department. Too bad I'm not sure I'm even attracted to boys anymore. Again, might I question the validity of teenagerdom? Why must we be put through this hell? I wonder if it's natural for these 10-odd years of my life to be awkward and terrible or if it's a societal requirement. Like, did cavepeople experience this?

and I was thinking, I wonder who the first true homosapien was. Like, in terms of evolution, is there just one batch of things that suddenly pop out that have all the characteristics of humans? Obviously, I'm a believer of the evolutionary theory. And if I haven't mentioned it before, I'm all for atheism now. I changed my agnostic state when Joanna and Esp and I were talking outside one night and joanna was saying how religion really isn't anything more than a crutch. I fully agree with that. Speaking of Joanna...I've mentioned her a lot this entry...she's leaving in a few days. Weird. If ever there was a summer that seemed like it was going to last forever, it's the summer before college.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.