i wasn't excited about the weekend that just occured, and now i know why. i'm not a huge fan of my mom's friends. not that they're not enjoyable people, it's just hard to relate to baby boomers who think they totally understand you and remember that when they wre 17, they were full of bullshit, so i am full of bullshit and all they want to do is laugh and laugh about their happy-go-lucky lives. plus, my mom subconsciously wants me to put on the Perfect Daughter act, so i spent the whole weekend with a mona lisa smile on my face, laughing at the appropriate moments, nodding when necessary....i really am quite the actress. just ask my dad.
so while the spa was ok, it would have been So Much Fun had i been there with my friends. not even shopping was fun...i'm nto sure why. i don't think ashland and i get along very well. i once knew a girl name ashlinn, and she was very cool. but ashland is not. i'm not a boutique shopper, i'm a Big Department Store, Mass Teenage Commercialism shopper. So There.
My mom's going off on the "are you going to spend your whole summer like this?" speech. while it's still the first fucking week of summer, to be perfectly honest, yes, i do plan on spending my summer like this. and this is: sleeping as late as possible (pref. 1 or 2), watching tv for a few hours, hanging out with friends all night, and coming home around 4 am. lather, rinse, repeat. it's my last official summer, as i plan on spending my college summers at school. i'm trying to arrange it so i won't come home at all at all because really, there's nothing here for me. my friends (all 3 of um) can come visit me in paradise. why would i come back to redding, of all places, when i live in a vacation town? really. my mom needs to realize that she has given me that "is this how you're going to spend your whole summer?" routine for the past 10 summers, and each summer i haven't changed. if she would stop bugging me, maybe i would get off my ass, get a job, even exercise. she needs to realize that everything i do is the completely opposite of what she wants me to do. i'm surprised she hasn't picked up on that pattern. we talked about how everything looked so good on my when i was 115, and i told her that i took 3 days of anorexia and 2 of bulemia to get me to that weight, she started to say, "no..." but the stopped herself when she realized that, hey, i was right. she insists that if i exercise 23 hours a day (i'm twitching with anger right now...if she comes and yells at me to unpack i'm going to scream FUCK OFF!!!!! and then run out of the house) i will become The Perfect Teen Queen, which is, as we all know, my goal in life. I will never be good enough. why can't she accept me as the fat, lazy slob that i am? she thinks i'm unhappy because of my engorged state...truly, it is my parents. wow, i really do have issues with my mom. obie keeps insisting upon it, and i'm not realizing it until now.
i wish i had stayed home this weekend, if only to have saved katie from a severe case of lifesucksitis. only one more week til they leave and i have the house alllllll to myself for 4 glorious days! suggestions, anyone?
to remind her of her past mistakes/show everyone the path she takes