why work sucks:
i show up at 6 and andrea s is there, which is super, but andrea a is there, and she's yucky. she's funny, but full of herself. and she makes me feel like i'm doing everythign wrong but she is (it'll be 5-8 minutes...20 minutes later...oops?) but i just skip along my ignorant merry way and clean tables and fold silverware and help with drinks and want a drink etc. and then andrea a leaves and andrea a and i have fun. then andrea a leaves and i'm alone. so i clean tables and sit big parties and feel bad because liz is tired but the party of 6 wants to sit in her section when a party of 10 drunks are terrorizing her. and i ask if i can help and i can but it doesn't help. because the party of 10 leaves after 3 hours and lots and lots of beer and no tip. nada. zilch. zero. 0.
fuck.
and i feel bad like it's my fault and it's not and then i just dont' care. then i wander around wondering how much money i won't be making that night and i'm in a stoner mood. just relaxed and take things as they come. 17 hours of sleep does that to you. to me. then sherry says i can leave and i do and i drive home but there's nothing on the radio to be peaceful to and my deep inside of you cd is hard to get to and its' raining and i don't want to get in an accident. it'd be easy to just drive your car my car off a bridge. just to turn the wheel. i'm not suicidal now, i just think about these things when i drive across bridges. i love my napster, it always gives me songs i want. can you need songs? i think so.
and now i'm still in my peaceful stoner mood and i can't wait for sunday because i wasn't going to go but now i am because cat's getting a room for the minors to be naughty in and i'm going to smoke before so i can be relaxed and my body is really loose thanks to my wonderful brother who gave me a backrub and got me orange juice. yay for wonderful brothers when they're in wonderful moods. why won't napster let me download crazy town?
why can't life be a disney movie?
i'm in the mood to turn on the tv but i know i'll be disappointed. maybe i'll go read noah's further tales of the city. i wish i could write books.
i don't know if i want to be a journalist. i think i'm too lazy. authors can be lazy and blame it on lack of creativity. journalists can be lazy and get fired. maybe i'm tired and i just don't know it. maybe if i lie down i'll fall asleep. an experiment...i'll try it. ooo, sleep sounds marvelous. isn't randomness wonderful?
i'm in a loving mood. i love you:
(i'm going through my address book)
mom
matt
amandalee
daddy (not dad)
sara allen
cody
stacy
lia
becca
rachel omalley richards
t
laura de sole
lindsey
catherine
mary chris
laura flippen
kelly
kodiak
v
elizabeth guardian
jerry
emily hayes
courtney homan-jones
suzy
cecilia
lyda
sophia
morgan anne
liz logan
tammy lee
namita
ali mansheim
shannon mott (only sometimes)
leanne
andrea
jenn
betsy
sara prather
carmen
abeer
cary
jen stearns
maggie
katie
joanna
amanda van scoyoc
esp
jj
lysandra
joel
there's, like, a boy on the list besides immediate family. oh well! isn't it nice to be loved? all these people make me happy and rarely unhappy and when they do make me unhappy it's mostly my fault and they've touched my life and for that, i am grateful.
napster's being gross.