at least i got some!
2001-01-04 at 07:46:57

oh dear. an email i sent to esp:

>>ok, i'll return your thingy later, but oh my god. um. yeah. so i would call you right now but i feel like a jerk for not calling you yesterday and it's 3amish and i don't want to risk waking you up. but we have got to go to coffee (well, chai and mocha) tomorrow to discuss! so today, i shopped with katie a lot. we cobought leather pants (oh so exciting) and i got 3 other pairs of pants and mittens you would love (you'll have to try them on) but i'm keeping them at least for a week since i'm going up to oregon next week. oh, and you're still invited. we leave monday and get back friday. you don't have to let me know asap or anything, just whenever. before monday preferably. :) yeah, so then i went to dinner with my mom and her friends and was bored and then i went to (do dodo DOOOO) travis's. um. yeah. and we watched gone in 60 seconds (bleh), sleepless in seattle (i borrowed yours and oops, i left it there! ack! but i'll see him again soon so you'll have it by at least friday), which he said he liked and thought it was better than it was going to be. then we, um, made out. a lot. i was supposed to be home at 1am and we started around 12:30ish so i was like, cool, 15ish minutes and then i'm out of here when all of a sudden i glance at a clock and it's 2 am. um, oops? so he walks me out to my car and hugs me and kisses me goodbye. oh, and while we were watching the movie he was totally holding my hand and stroking it and stuff...siiiigh. then i call my mom from the road and say i fell asleep (right) and get home and of course i'm not in trouble because despite certain days of the month, she's actually pretty cool. on the drive home, i was like, do i like him? how do i feel about him? i so want to like him! because he's so wonderful! and i almost started crying at the idea of not liking him but i think i like him but i'm still not sure and shit. why? why why why? now i totally know how you feel about derek (except you never kissed him) and how hes' SO GREAT but are there anyfeelings? because he obviouslycares about me. a lot, i think. sigh. we MUST TALK TOMORROW! hey, i woke up at 8am today and stayed awake, trippy huh? so call me as SOON AS YOU GET THIS! or i'll call you when i wake up. either way, we must talk! bye babe! ~m<<

but i was thinking to myself, i don't want to be a "travis and morgan." i don't want to be a "them." i don't want to be "together." i don't want exclusivity! because in feb i'm going to virginia and drew is going to be there and i can't cheat on anyone if he is. i told jj to get in touch with him and tell him i'm coming to visit and see what he has to say about that. because it's drew. and despite the lack of anything, he is an important turning point in my life.

but whether the travis thing works out, at least i got some!

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.