so now i'm a shitty friend on top of everything else
2000-12-22 at 05:32:34

'm supress for you though

Kute Koala [11:27 PM]: ?

KTLolipop [11:27 PM]: My nose is getting all red and sore

Kute Koala [11:28 PM]: what's supress?

KTLolipop [11:28 PM]: suppress spelled wrong

Kute Koala [11:29 PM]: oh

Kute Koala [11:29 PM]: why am i silly and can't understand anything

KTLolipop [11:29 PM]: cuz i can't type?

Kute Koala [11:29 PM]: there's that

KTLolipop [11:30 PM]: is there a website that lets you enter in your symptoms and gives you a possible explaination for your sickness?

KTLolipop [11:30 PM]: There should be if there isn't

Kute Koala [11:30 PM]: i dunno

Kute Koala [11:30 PM]: ask jeeves

KTLolipop [11:31 PM]: I can never find anything on ask jeeves

Kute Koala [11:31 PM]: oh

KTLolipop [11:35 PM]: it made my aol die

Kute Koala [11:35 PM]: that's cause you're stupid

KTLolipop [11:36 PM]: nah ah

Kute Koala [11:36 PM]: ok then

KTLolipop [11:36 PM]: i like joe lots

Kute Koala [11:37 PM]: i don't have anyone to like

KTLolipop [11:37 PM]: i know

Kute Koala [11:37 PM]: and that makes me unhappy

KTLolipop [11:38 PM]: you should like you before you like someone else

KTLolipop [11:38 PM]: Which sounds really stupid

KTLolipop [11:38 PM]: But you never seem like you like yourself

Kute Koala [11:38 PM]: no, i like me fine

Kute Koala [11:38 PM]: i'm really ok with myself

KTLolipop [11:38 PM]: Really?

Kute Koala [11:39 PM]: i'm just pissed that no boy likes me for me

Kute Koala [11:39 PM]: seriously

KTLolipop [11:39 PM]: And it's not that no boy likes you

KTLolipop [11:39 PM]: Just not a boy you like

Kute Koala [11:39 PM]: well, right now no boy likes me

KTLolipop [11:41 PM]: high school boys in general stink

Kute Koala [11:41 PM]: yes

Kute Koala [11:41 PM]: unless they're jay pre-breakup or joe

KTLolipop [11:41 PM]: they are attracted to girls who are either sex objects or are always happy

KTLolipop [11:41 PM]: In my opinion anyways

Kute Koala [11:42 PM]: but you aren't

KTLolipop [11:42 PM]: Jay was my best friend

Kute Koala [11:42 PM]: blah

KTLolipop [11:42 PM]: So that kind of changed the situations

KTLolipop [11:42 PM]: And joe is just super cool

Kute Koala [11:42 PM]: so where is my supercool boy?

KTLolipop [11:42 PM]: And for some reason he really likes my body

Kute Koala [11:43 PM]: gr

KTLolipop [11:43 PM]: I dunno? Down south somewhere?

Kute Koala [11:43 PM]: i'm sad

KTLolipop [11:43 PM]: I think that redding boys are particularly void of coolness

KTLolipop [11:43 PM]: When jay and i stopped being good friends the whole situation changed and he wanted a super happy sex object

Kute Koala [11:43 PM]: i think im' particularly void of coolness

Kute Koala [11:43 PM]: blah

KTLolipop [11:44 PM]: no...you are cool

Kute Koala [11:44 PM]: i am unliked

KTLolipop [11:44 PM]: but you aren't always happy

Kute Koala [11:44 PM]: i am pessimistic, cynical, highly depressed, and currently tearing up

KTLolipop [11:44 PM]: By boys...

Kute Koala [11:44 PM]: but the problem is, i'm ok with this

Kute Koala [11:44 PM]: i just hate that boys aren't

KTLolipop [11:44 PM]: ...currently

Kute Koala [11:44 PM]: ever

KTLolipop [11:44 PM]: I'm quite okay with it too

KTLolipop [11:44 PM]: You would suck if you were always happy

KTLolipop [11:45 PM]: It would be annoying

Kute Koala [11:45 PM]: yes

Kute Koala [11:45 PM]: i'm annoying too

KTLolipop [11:45 PM]: Well so am i

Kute Koala [11:45 PM]: but you have boys

KTLolipop [11:45 PM]: But i'm a huge flirt and i tend to make friends with guys really easily

Kute Koala [11:46 PM]: i'm an antiflirt.

Kute Koala [11:46 PM]: i seriously don't flirt. can't flirt.

Kute Koala [11:46 PM]: at all.

KTLolipop [11:46 PM]: Actually, it's more that i make friends with guys

KTLolipop [11:46 PM]: I know...do you want to be able to?

KTLolipop [11:46 PM]: Or is it that you don't like it...

Kute Koala [11:47 PM]: i dunno

KTLolipop [11:47 PM]: Do you try to?

Kute Koala [11:47 PM]: god, i hope not

Kute Koala [11:47 PM]: i try to not try to

KTLolipop [11:47 PM]: o

KTLolipop [11:48 PM]: Hum...well it's not like i just automatically flirt.

KTLolipop [11:48 PM]: I flirt when i want attention

Kute Koala [11:49 PM]: blah

KTLolipop [11:50 PM]: Okay, but my point is that if you don't try to flirt then it's your own fault

KTLolipop [11:50 PM]: If you want the attention of stupid boys that is

Kute Koala [11:50 PM]: but i'm a horrible flirt too

KTLolipop [11:51 PM]: I thought you didn't try

Kute Koala [11:51 PM]: when i inadvertantly try, it's unnatural and yucky

KTLolipop [11:51 PM]: o

KTLolipop [11:51 PM]: i'm spacing out

KTLolipop [11:51 PM]: i took cold meds

KTLolipop [11:52 PM]: that are making me fall asleep

KTLolipop [11:52 PM]: flirting is about being fake

Kute Koala [11:52 PM]: am i fake?

Kute Koala [11:52 PM]: im' not fake

KTLolipop [11:52 PM]: And if you want guys to like you for who you are, then i don't see how it will make you feel better

Kute Koala [11:52 PM]: i can't even pretend to be fake

Kute Koala [11:52 PM]: i know

Kute Koala [11:52 PM]: it's a bad cycle

KTLolipop [11:53 PM]: Indeed

Kute Koala [11:53 PM]: and thus, i will never be happy

Kute Koala [11:53 PM]: how sad

Kute Koala [11:53 PM]: i think i'm going to cry

KTLolipop [11:54 PM]: Dear! Not all guys are shallow!

Kute Koala [11:54 PM]: um

Kute Koala [11:54 PM]: a lot of them are

KTLolipop [11:54 PM]: Yeah

KTLolipop [11:54 PM]: But not all of them

Kute Koala [11:54 PM]: and those that aren't are taken or uninterested in, um, me

KTLolipop [11:54 PM]: Which does not mean that you will be unloved forever!

Kute Koala [11:55 PM]: yes it does!

KTLolipop [11:55 PM]: No!

Kute Koala [11:55 PM]: yes!

KTLolipop [11:55 PM]: No! No!

Kute Koala [11:55 PM]: i'm doomed!

Kute Koala [11:55 PM]: yes yes!

KTLolipop [11:56 PM]: Dear...plenty of perfectly horrible people get married every dya

Kute Koala [11:56 PM]: this movie sucks

KTLolipop [11:56 PM]: *day

KTLolipop [11:56 PM]: Which movie?

Kute Koala [11:56 PM]: i'm 16. i can be unreasonable

Kute Koala [11:56 PM]: model behavior

KTLolipop [11:56 PM]: k

KTLolipop [11:57 PM]: I've never seen it

KTLolipop [11:57 PM]: I want to see pecker

Kute Koala [11:57 PM]: disney channel

Kute Koala [11:57 PM]: yay for pecker

KTLolipop [11:57 PM]: I love that movie

Kute Koala [11:57 PM]: good schtuff

KTLolipop [11:57 PM]: pecker is my ideal guy

KTLolipop [11:57 PM]: mentally anyways

KTLolipop [11:57 PM]: he's super wonderful

KTLolipop [11:58 PM]: and he likes bitchy girls

Kute Koala [11:58 PM]: yes

Kute Koala [11:58 PM]: who's my ideal guy?

Kute Koala [11:58 PM]: oh, um...

Kute Koala [11:58 PM]: shoot, i had it

Kute Koala [11:58 PM]: brb

KTLolipop [11:58 PM]: k

Kute Koala [12:00 AM]: i'm typical in every way, shape, and form

KTLolipop [12:00 AM]: Um, no??

KTLolipop [12:00 AM]: Should i bother arguing with you?

Kute Koala [12:01 AM]: yes

KTLolipop [12:01 AM]: k

Kute Koala [12:01 AM]: because i can beat down every argument

KTLolipop [12:01 AM]: You aren't typical

Kute Koala [12:01 AM]: yes i am

Kute Koala [12:01 AM]: ooo, got you there

Kute Koala [12:01 AM]: haha

KTLolipop [12:01 AM]: What about you is typical

KTLolipop [12:01 AM]: You dont flirt

KTLolipop [12:01 AM]: That's not normal

Kute Koala [12:02 AM]: like the typical outcast nobody

KTLolipop [12:02 AM]: You have friends...you aren't an outcast

KTLolipop [12:02 AM]: Lack of boys does not mean that you are an outcast

Kute Koala [12:02 AM]: even outcasts have friends

Kute Koala [12:03 AM]: there's little that's special bout me

KTLolipop [12:03 AM]: But not as many or as close of friends as you

KTLolipop [12:04 AM]: Anways...you insist on being cynical

KTLolipop [12:04 AM]: That's not typical

KTLolipop [12:04 AM]: Most people insist on being happy regardless

Kute Koala [12:04 AM]: blah

Kute Koala [12:04 AM]: i don't insist upon it. it just happens.

KTLolipop [12:05 AM]: You have been cool places and done interesting things

Kute Koala [12:05 AM]: blah, so have other people

KTLolipop [12:05 AM]: Not that many other people

KTLolipop [12:05 AM]: Your typical outcast hasn't

Kute Koala [12:06 AM]: ok, i'm not an outcast

KTLolipop [12:06 AM]: You like interesting things

Kute Koala [12:06 AM]: i am a typical teenage girl who thinks she has problem but really, she has it good.

KTLolipop [12:06 AM]: That are not the typical things to like

KTLolipop [12:06 AM]: You have it okay

KTLolipop [12:07 AM]: I wouldn't want your life. No offense or anything.

Kute Koala [12:07 AM]: why not?

KTLolipop [12:07 AM]: Because...

Kute Koala [12:07 AM]: i'm just curouis

Kute Koala [12:08 AM]: i don't wnat my life either

KTLolipop [12:08 AM]: ...your paretns are divorced

KTLolipop [12:08 AM]: your mom seems to put a lot of pressure on you

KTLolipop [12:09 AM]: My sister is doing tae bo (i think i spelled that wrong)

Kute Koala [12:09 AM]: thats' odd

KTLolipop [12:09 AM]: Shes insane

Kute Koala [12:10 AM]: yes

KTLolipop [12:10 AM]: I need to go to sleep

KTLolipop [12:10 AM]: I can't think

Kute Koala [12:10 AM]: your sister is typical, but why does she get guys?

Kute Koala [12:10 AM]: ok

KTLolipop [12:10 AM]: Guys like typical

Kute Koala [12:10 AM]: i'm going to sit here and get fatter and cry some more

KTLolipop [12:10 AM]: You arent' typical

Kute Koala [12:10 AM]: but youi aren't typical and guys like you

KTLolipop [12:10 AM]: Because i make friends with guys

KTLolipop [12:10 AM]: And wierd guys like me

KTLolipop [12:11 AM]: Who are insecure

Kute Koala [12:11 AM]: blah

Kute Koala [12:11 AM]: maybe i do hate me

KTLolipop [12:11 AM]: The guys who like me only like me because they have security problems and they think i like htem

Kute Koala [12:11 AM]: um

Kute Koala [12:11 AM]: ok?

KTLolipop [12:11 AM]: So it makes them feel okay about them if i like them

KTLolipop [12:11 AM]: Kyle and robin were like that

KTLolipop [12:11 AM]: Joe might be

KTLolipop [12:12 AM]: But joe is cool so whatever

KTLolipop [12:12 AM]: And travis and matt

Kute Koala [12:12 AM]: poor travis

Kute Koala [12:12 AM]: i don't hate me. i hate my life.

KTLolipop [12:13 AM]: I see

Kute Koala [12:16 AM]: i'm bored with my life

Kute Koala [12:16 AM]: i need a change

KTLolipop [12:16 AM]: Of what sort?

KTLolipop [12:16 AM]: college...

Kute Koala [12:16 AM]: of complete sorts

Kute Koala [12:16 AM]: change of location, friends, social circles, social life

KTLolipop [12:17 AM]: college

Kute Koala [12:17 AM]: i have another fucking year to go

Kute Koala [12:17 AM]: i don't know if i can wait that long

KTLolipop [12:17 AM]: Not a year

Kute Koala [12:17 AM]: months

KTLolipop [12:17 AM]: Half of a year

Kute Koala [12:17 AM]: months still

Kute Koala [12:17 AM]: i'd like it to be a matter of week

Kute Koala [12:18 AM]: s

KTLolipop [12:18 AM]: yeah, me too

KTLolipop [12:20 AM]: You'll live

Kute Koala [12:20 AM]: i don't know aboutthat

KTLolipop [12:20 AM]: The last few months were hell for me and i lived

KTLolipop [12:20 AM]: Serious hell

KTLolipop [12:20 AM]: You don't know...I'm better at being fake than you

Kute Koala [12:21 AM]: hum?

Kute Koala [12:21 AM]: i'm watching willy wonka and the chocolate factory

Kute Koala [12:21 AM]: i'm going to beg my brother to take me out with him tomorrow

KTLolipop [12:21 AM]: that would be fun

Kute Koala [12:21 AM]: he won't

Kute Koala [12:21 AM]: but i'm going to tell him how sad i am

KTLolipop [12:21 AM]: question...what is the worst thing that has happened in your life?

KTLolipop [12:22 AM]: Or string of events?

Kute Koala [12:22 AM]: its' not that bad. its' just on top of everything.

Kute Koala [12:22 AM]: and that would be...um...thinking

Kute Koala [12:23 AM]: it's not any one thing

Kute Koala [12:23 AM]: i'm just generally depressed

Kute Koala [12:23 AM]: over nothing exciting happening

Kute Koala [12:23 AM]: and nothing good happening

Kute Koala [12:23 AM]: and god yes, i know it could be worse.

Kute Koala [12:23 AM]: but hell if i care

KTLolipop [12:24 AM]: yeah...

KTLolipop [12:24 AM]: ...you life isn't that bad

Kute Koala [12:24 AM]: but i feel like shit

Kute Koala [12:24 AM]: not physically

KTLolipop [12:24 AM]: The shit makes the good stuff better though

Kute Koala [12:24 AM]: mentally

Kute Koala [12:24 AM]: there is no good stuff htough

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: i can't think of the worst thing, but i can't think of anything good

KTLolipop [12:25 AM]: But there will be

KTLolipop [12:25 AM]: Nothing good has happened in your life?

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: i honestly can't think of anything good

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: can you?

KTLolipop [12:25 AM]: Ever?

KTLolipop [12:25 AM]: Yeah

KTLolipop [12:25 AM]: Wait...in your life?

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: in the past few months

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: yup

KTLolipop [12:25 AM]: Well i don't know what is good for you...

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: what's good to you

Kute Koala [12:25 AM]: in my life

KTLolipop [12:26 AM]: Well i'm a stong believer that you have to enjoy the small things

Kute Koala [12:26 AM]: so what are small things that are good

KTLolipop [12:27 AM]: Sooo...you are in college to some extent, you have a month off of school, you have had guys that were into you, you make good money...

KTLolipop [12:28 AM]: SF was fun

KTLolipop [12:28 AM]: We had cute guys check us out and make fun of us

Kute Koala [12:29 AM]: i wish i were are boarding school, i'm spending my month doing nothing, i wasn't interested in those guys and it was discovered that they are losers, the money's a good thing yes but now i'm materialistic, sf was fun but it's over, the cute guys were making fun of us

KTLolipop [12:29 AM]: Okay...ya know what...you can make anything be shitty if you want

Kute Koala [12:29 AM]: yes i can

Kute Koala [12:29 AM]: it's a talent

KTLolipop [12:29 AM]: If you want to be happy then you just are

Kute Koala [12:29 AM]: probably the only talent i have

KTLolipop [12:30 AM]: So whatever

Kute Koala [12:30 AM]: thats' another thin,g i'm talentless and unspecial

KTLolipop [12:30 AM]: Well me too

KTLolipop [12:30 AM]: So whatever

KTLolipop [12:30 AM]: You'll live

Kute Koala [12:31 AM]: again, not surea bout that

KTLolipop [12:31 AM]: I had my best friend and boyfriend get rid of me, i had a miscarriage the week or so afterward, i spent about 2 months in depression, i lived

KTLolipop [12:31 AM]: You will live

KTLolipop [12:31 AM]: You are just being whiney

KTLolipop [12:31 AM]: I'm grumpy now

Kute Koala [12:31 AM]: um...miscarriage?

KTLolipop [12:31 AM]: And i want to go ot bed

KTLolipop [12:31 AM]: Yes

Kute Koala [12:31 AM]: what?

KTLolipop [12:32 AM]: urg

Kute Koala [12:32 AM]: what?

KTLolipop [12:32 AM]: i told you i'm better at being fake than you. i don't want to talk about it

Kute Koala [12:32 AM]: um

Kute Koala [12:32 AM]: can i be utterly confused?

KTLolipop [12:33 AM]: Go ahead...i do stupid things

Kute Koala [12:33 AM]: are you serious?

KTLolipop [12:33 AM]: Yes

Kute Koala [12:33 AM]: oh my god

KTLolipop [12:33 AM]: Don't you remember how i was freaking out cuz i didn't start my period forever

Kute Koala [12:33 AM]: so take all this shit i've been complaining about and throw it in the toilet

KTLolipop [12:33 AM]: And i was like, oh well i'm under lots of stress

Kute Koala [12:33 AM]: ...yeah...

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: So yeah

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: But i really don't want to talk about it

Kute Koala [12:34 AM]: um

Kute Koala [12:34 AM]: and i had no clue about this

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: no

Kute Koala [12:34 AM]: so now i'm a shitty friend on top of everything.

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: and nobody else does either

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: no you arent'

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: i didn't tell you

Kute Koala [12:34 AM]: nobody else your parents included?

KTLolipop [12:34 AM]: so it's not like it's your fault you didn't know

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: i only told jay, but he didn't believe me

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: just cuz i thought he should know

Kute Koala [12:35 AM]: well, i could have had an inkling you were depressed for reasons other than boyfriends breaking up with you

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: well i didn't seem that depressed anyways

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: Ack!

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: I reallly just wanted to move on

Kute Koala [12:35 AM]: yeah

Kute Koala [12:35 AM]: oh my god

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: Stop!

Kute Koala [12:35 AM]: i'm sitting here in utter shock.

KTLolipop [12:35 AM]: Please, please, please

Kute Koala [12:36 AM]: so excuse my dumbfoundedness

Kute Koala [12:36 AM]: and you should probably go to bed now

KTLolipop [12:36 AM]: I know

KTLolipop [12:36 AM]: But oh well

KTLolipop [12:36 AM]: Please don't tell anyone

Kute Koala [12:36 AM]: um, yeah

KTLolipop [12:36 AM]: k

KTLolipop [12:36 AM]: thanks

Kute Koala [12:36 AM]: can we talk about this some other time or should it be something never discussed?

KTLolipop [12:37 AM]: Um...i'm not sure

Kute Koala [12:37 AM]: ok

Kute Koala [12:37 AM]: so i won't bring it up

KTLolipop [12:37 AM]: k

KTLolipop [12:37 AM]: i've moved on

KTLolipop [12:37 AM]: pretty much

KTLolipop [12:37 AM]: joe is a HUGE step in me moving on

Kute Koala [12:38 AM]: ok, i'm sobbing now because you had to go through that aloneish

KTLolipop [12:38 AM]: feel better!

KTLolipop [12:38 AM]: please!

Kute Koala [12:38 AM]: oh yeah, that's going to happen now

KTLolipop [12:38 AM]: sigh

Kute Koala [12:39 AM]: no

Kute Koala [12:39 AM]: that was such a wrong thing to say

KTLolipop [12:39 AM]: morgan...dammit. this is why i didn't tell you in the first place

Kute Koala [12:39 AM]: it's kind of a shocker.

KTLolipop [12:40 AM]: well you were being so down on your life and it's not that bad

KTLolipop [12:40 AM]: And i came out of my shittiness relatively normal and okay

Kute Koala [12:40 AM]: did your parents know about this?

KTLolipop [12:40 AM]: No

KTLolipop [12:40 AM]: God no

Kute Koala [12:40 AM]: well, obviously my life isn't that bad

Kute Koala [12:41 AM]: ack

Kute Koala [12:41 AM]: so you really did get through this alone

Kute Koala [12:41 AM]: i'm thoroughly in awe of your strenght

KTLolipop [12:41 AM]: My parents don't know that i was having sex

Kute Koala [12:41 AM]: oh, there's that

Kute Koala [12:41 AM]: and that's a cheesy thing for me to say

KTLolipop [12:41 AM]: Yeah...

KTLolipop [12:42 AM]: It wasn't really strength...i think i was kind of in denial about it and i just did other things to occupy my time

Kute Koala [12:42 AM]: hum

KTLolipop [12:43 AM]: So blah...

Kute Koala [12:43 AM]: yeah.

KTLolipop [12:43 AM]: My great advice is to make yourself totally numb to your sadness and wait it out

KTLolipop [12:43 AM]: :o)

Kute Koala [12:43 AM]: if i convince matt to take me with him to whatever party, do you wanna come?

Kute Koala [12:43 AM]: speaking of being numb

KTLolipop [12:43 AM]: Sure...if i'm well enough to leave the house

KTLolipop [12:43 AM]: And my parents don't suck

Kute Koala [12:44 AM]: i'll become an alcoholic of sorts fora while

KTLolipop [12:44 AM]: hey...i'm going to go to bed

KTLolipop [12:44 AM]: tty tomorrow

Kute Koala [12:44 AM]: night then

Kute Koala [12:45 AM]: k

KTLolipop [12:45 AM]: gnight

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.