I think I am doing a good job, but often it is hard to tell.
02 December 2011 at 4:56 pm
I awoke at midnight last night, stayed up reading until I had to go to work. 5pm has rolled around and I'm looking at the world through gummy bear eyes, so delirious am I from jetlag. SBA to FCO to LHR and back in a whirlwind week; it was one of the best vacations of my life, Rome is my new favorite city, and I am madly in love all over again.
Or that's what I'm telling myself, when I wake up at all hours, my thoughts going a mile a minute of everything there is that is out of my control.
It's been awhile without yoga, and the anxiety is intense.
It's looking more like the boyfriend is going to move to London for an additional year, and the plan from there is not to move back anytime soon. He had told me previously he would not go without me, but that was always going to be a lie.
Trying to remember there is no good or bad, no better or worse. Trying not to anticipate. Trying not to let the void that is a long-distance relationship block me from living my life anyway.
I made myself very busy: yoga workshop and friends in town over the weekend, San Francisco next weekend, photo shoot the weekend after, then Paris, then London.
Then the void that is January. I can make myself busy then, too: day spa trips to Los Angeles, bachelorette parties, parents in town to help with the house (I have found that I am capable of accomplishing things around the house, just not very well), ski weekend in Tahoe with the dads.
And then February: maybe I'll make it to Costa Rica after all.
I'll be teaching more yoga classes, teaching my own classes once a day during the week rather than subbing for someone else's classes.
The offers to teach more make me think that I am doing a good job, but often it is hard to tell.
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