04 November 2010 at 4:54 pm
Locking this up, I explained to the boyfriend, who also had access for a brief period of time, creates a further disconnect from the stalker ex. He reads everything I write in here as a direct response to him.
"But locking it is a response," replied the boyfriend.
It is, and he responded accordingly.
But it worked.
The emails are getting shorter.
The last one read:
"depressed. how are you?"
I went to see the lady who removes the hair from my vag today. It's 15 minutes of pure pain, a very intimate therapy. She asks about the boyfriend, the teacher training, tells me about her lack of closure with a Hawaiian Capricorn.
I tell her how I broke up with the boyfriend twice in two weeks, and got back together as many times.
I told her about the ex and the stalking, and she asked why we broke up.
I said because I wasn't in love with him, and he wanted to get married.
Which is basically the same reason I keep breaking up with the current boyfriend: he frames every conversation in the context of moving in together, and I am NOT INTO IT.
I express my issues to my brother, who says, "He's coming for Thanksgiving, right? Let the family decide."
And I realize how weak and pitiful I really am, how all I've done is surround myself with strong people, how I've confused it for my own strength.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
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