18 May 2009 at 2:18 pm
As inspired by
A few thoughts:
It's the opposite of free will. When I was very young, 6 or 7 or 8, I tried to figure out what it meant when I told my family that I loved them. Did I have a choice? Are they just words? Is it a feeling? Is it ubiquitous? Does it change anything to say it out loud?
On falling, from what I can recall: all-encompassing. Swirly. Distracting. Uncontrollable but avoidable. Unwise.
It's a dependable moment: a half an hour after the sun has set and you're heading west on a clear night and some of the sky is baby blue and some of it is lavender and some of it is purple and some of it is indigo and some of it is midnight; yesterday and today and tomorrow all at once.
On expression: sex and love have nothing to do with each other and must remain separate, utterly and irretrievably.
It's an evolutionary human dynamic. It's there so we procreate. Metaphysically, it's there to push us in the right direction. I don't fall in love unless I've exhausted all other options and need change.
On manifestation: it's listening, observing, understanding, inside jokes, laughter, remembering someone's favorite flower, book, place, and making sure she is experiencing that all the time.
It's empathy, an attempt to understand someone else, and not because it will better myself, although it should and usually does, but that's not why I love. I love because I don't have a choice, which is why I do it so rarely; I can usually avoid it.
But when it traps me, envelops me, wraps its arms around my waist and its hands around my throat, watch out, because there is nothing more powerful. Love is change. It's, I didn't know I could do that. It's, I never even thought to want that. The best part is, it's different every time.
It's home for some people, safe and comfortable, but for me, it's awkward and unknown. It's an adventure: the beach at 4am during a full moon, driving eight hours to a music festival just to see one band, creating a meal with a new ingredient someone gave you. It's something new I never even thought of wanting to do or have or own.
Essentially, I guess, it's life in general.
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