Last night:
CF: "So how many suitors do you have lined up?"
Me: "Um, none."
CF: "That's not possible. You're a babe."
Me: (Thanks, Wayne Campbell) "I'm ignoring that part of my life right now."
The week prior:
Some guy: "Is this Phyllis Dillon?"
Me: "Yes."
Some guy: "Yeah, I know. I was just trying to impress you."
Me: "Oh. So it goes." LITERALLY THOSE ARE THE WORDS THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH. VERFUCKINGBATIM.
The week prior:
Suzanne: "Everyone gets an M&M. Morgan, you get a green one."
Me: "That's funny. No, thanks."
The week prior:
Dawn: "You should be dating up a storm!"
Me: "WHERE ARE THEY, DAWN? WHERE. ARE THEY."
I guess maybe I just need to get laid. Everyone else seems to think so.
Fuck you, clowns.