I am just hating myself right now. So begins another day of deviating from the norm, another night of willful self-destruction. Why am I so intent on alienating everyone who cares about me? Why do I consciously shy away from people I like? Why do I immediately feel ashamed when I have any impulse for intimacy? None of it makes any sense anymore, when I used to think it was perfectly normal--emphasis on the perfect.
I have all the power. I am in control.
And fuck you, guy who "thinks the world of me." You manipulative little incubus. Don't think you can use me to get to her. I am not a pawn; I am one of the players, when all is said and done. That's the difference between you and I; you let people think you're taking it seriously, whereas I don't even bother with the fa�ade. That means you get exactly what you want, which has always been my problem (getting what I want, and then not wanting it anymore). Maybe your solution is better, mine being simply giving up on desire, but not when innocent people get hurt.
Then again, maybe I'm giving you too much credit.