The End of the Beginning, Part Nine
04 September 2007 at 10:48 am

My flight in from Redding was rife with these little tics I get when I regret something wholeheartedly. I'll have a series of rapid-fire thoughts ("Why did I send that? Why don't I have any self-control? Why am I in this situation in the first place? Who the fuck cares about this guy anyway? It's better this way, to just sabotage it. Oh god, WHY do I do this to myself?") and then I'll jerk my head to the side or crack my shoulder or get a really contorted look on my face in an effort to physically rid my body of that particularly cringe-inducing memory. And then I got off the plane and Aaron took me home and that evening will wait for another entry. It was at the end of it that I received this:

7/16 Johnny to Morgan

Good Morning Miss Balavage

Well, where do you expect me to start? I am having a lot of problems with our situation. I have only had a handfull of distractions big enough to keep you out of my mind last weekend. And when you take into account the colosal amount of alcohol and drugs consumed, you should take a bow! I have not had such a heavy weekend since my late teen/early 20's "off the rails" days. I tried to forget about you. And it just didn't work.

I am easily confused this morning, as I have had only 5 hours sleep since Thursday. This morning, through my tired haze, I am trying to pick the bones out of the mail you have sent me. I should probably just look at the pretty pictures and not worry my poor little brain about it. I love these pictures by the way! You look so fucking hot by the Porsche which is convenient because I am about to order a 911 convertible. I really like the pictures of you from the night we met because it is obviously the way I remember you.

Just got a text from one of my mates I went to Poland with. "Feel like i've been run over by a bus then been picked up and put in a mince meat machine and fed to pigs". We are usually nice boys, I promise.....................

So anyway, I wait with baited breath in anticipation of your next correspondance to clarify your debauched comments. And I don't beleive that you haven't had a look at the messages sent. I am very sorry Miss Balavage but they cannot and will not be glossed over!!!!!!!!

Hurry up and mail me!!!!!!

Johnny.X

just looking at your pictures again.....................this is fucking torturous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.