Just waking up to a text from D: "Good morning ladies! I had the best sleep EVER last night! I'm out and about running errands and then I'm going home to do laundry, call me when y'all are up so we can begin our day long therapy and farewell to morgan!"
See, I'm going away for about 8 days to do some soul searching and figure out what it is I want. I managed through a freak incident to find out what I don't want, but that's been me my whole life: trying things on, lifestyles, hairstyles, cities, jobs, to see what fits and what doesn't and so far nothing's been perfect. Not that I ever expect it to be, this is what life is all about after all, but what with completely destroying the life I'd worked for the last five years and having absolutely no plan, or even an inkling of a plan, I'm a fucking wreck. I've lost too much weight from not eating more than 500 calories a day; I've been sleeping less than six hours a night for three weeks; the only place I can function is at my jobs, and even then it's only barely.
Oh, side note: I was offered another job, so now I have four. I'll be personal assisting for a rich guy in Montecito. I start in a few weeks.
So I have a friend who has a villa in a small town on the coast in Spain. I found a good deal on some tickets and bought them without even thinking about it. Commence prompt freaking out; my rent just doubled, what about Damien, how will I get my shifts covered, how can I justify this when I've just taken two long weekends? Eventually, every single person in my life talked me down and I started making further arrangements.
This is where the whole thing about having the best friends in the world comes in. Not only have they been carefully watching my every move since Aaron moved, spending the night and listening to me rant and rave for hours on end without bringing their own issues into it, but once they got over the shock of what I'm doing (and the extreme jealousy), they rallied around me to get everything organized. They've taken me shopping for everything a girl might need for 8 days abroad, have set up a house/dog-sitting schedule amongst the three of them, having taken me out to eat and drink and answered my calls at all hours of the night, and have basically metaphorically talked me off several ledges in a thousand different ways. They're fucking amazing and exactly what I deserve.
The quote on my profile, "We accept the love we think we deserve," is from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." That was Suzy's favorite book and I read and fell in love with it based on her recommendation, but that one line sums up life so well for me. There was a time when I would take truckloads of bullshit from the people in my life, when I would allow myself to be betrayed and taken advantage of and abused. I don't ever, ever want to let that happen again, but I'll only be loved as much as I love myself and I think I need to relearn how to do that. Why not do it in Spain?