One thing my dad's been telling me for years is that I can't be afraid to ask for help. I'm so terrified of being dependent on other people that I don't even know when or why or how I would do that. And it wasn't until right this very second that I realized that the very best people in my life are going to help me whether I ask for it or not. Case in point: one way or another this week, all of my friends have gone above and beyond to make sure I'm around someone as much as possible. E has been staying in town to meet up at the bar for therapy almost every night; K, even though she is dealing with a lot of her own shit, has been helping with the quitting of the cigarettes; D has been available whenever I need her, even just to come over and listen to music. I mean, I don't know if they organized themselves, if they're consciously doing it, or if I'm just that lucky to have people who instinctually know when I need others to pick up some slack, but last night E invited herself over to spend the night. It was my first night closing the bar by myself, without Aaron and without cigarettes. Not only did all my coworkers, who were just there to hang out, help me out all night but the MC (ex-boyfriend of coworker, super nice guy) hung out late night and refused to leave until I was done. I can't tell you how nice it was to come home after a shit evening (never to be relived) and have somebody here. Or like last night, when there was a little mini wine and cheese party at my house when six people just randomly showed up. I've never had a community like this that rallies around those who are suffering, even those who don't know it.
In other news, I'm so numb to everything right now that when the cops fined me last night for a noise ordinance, all I could do was tell one of the other off-duty bartenders to cover the bar and go and sit in the office and stare at the ceiling. That can't be good.