So I've kind of been in a post-graduation funk. I've officially graduated, according to my online file o' Morgan, and I've been throwing all of my energy into cleaning my house. One of my coworkers randomly told me about a website that breaks cleaning into easy-to-manage daily assignments, so I've been religiously following those and my house, it has never been cleaner. It's a good system for people like me who tend to take on the task of cleaning the whole house in a day, and then I get distracted by, like, organizing my closet by color and end up with a bunch of half-finished projects that result in a dirtier house than before. With this system, you spend 15 minutes cleaning off one area and then that's it, you're done. Well, there's more to it than that, but it's really made me feel a lot better about not having a constant deadline like I've had for the past six years.
Everything I've been working towards for the past six years -- getting out of debt, graduating from school, and more recently, getting rid of the roommates -- can all be crossed off my "Things To Do ... Eventually." Of course, now that they're all done I'm desperately searching for more things to do. Suddenly, my old procrastination techniques, like catching up on TiFauxed shows, are now just things to do to get through the day, and thus not nearly as enticing. So now I'm dealing with things like, "Oh yeah, my relationship is my life and maybe I should do something about that" and the ever-popular "Who am I? No, really...what makes me me?" It's so frustrating to be right back where I was six years ago.
I'm so fortunate in so many ways. Thanks to my parents, I don't have any student loans to worry about. Thanks to Aaron, I don't have any relationship worries (well, that's not true, but our relationship issues start and end with me...maybe I'll talk about that in a mo). Thanks to my jobs, I'm gainfully and happily employed three times over. But I've never been satisfied with what I have and prefer to live in the future, which is one of the reasons we're not moving to Chicago until next year. Because there is no future in Santa Barbara. Seriously, go look at the weather report for Santa Barbara: the high and low temperatures might fluctuate two degrees for the 10-day forecast. Every day here is pretty much the same; there's no spring or fall to look forward to.
I've been picking fights with Aaron this past week, primarily because I'm PMSy, but everything that I scream at him about, he complies with. Like, I was so pissed he didn't pick up the dog poo on Monday during his day off and it was this whole to-do, and then he did it, and then he did it again today before I could ask him why it wasn't done. Stuff like that is easy for him, which I really don't get. Or we got in a big fight about...something...it was a big deal that ended with him sleeping on the couch...but I have no idea what started it. Oh wait, yes I do. He made a sarcastic comment that I took far too literally, and off I went, refusing to talk to him, and then throwing pillows around the room while I screamed at him and he cowered. I think I'm kind of emotionally abusive in that way, because when I'm feeling rational, there's absolutely nothing I would change about him -- um, because I've already changed everything about him. I'm not saying I haven't made leaps and bounds personally in this relationship, but even this new cleaning system, he totally contributes. On the good days, we're a team. On my bad days, he's a nuisance, but he isn't doing anything differently.
I'm pretty sure it's more a matter of time that is necessary for me to adjust to this new life of relatively low stress, but when I try to talk to my friends about it, they are understandably nonresponsive. What do you say to the girl who complains about not having any problems? Here's what I would say: Go fuck yourself.
In the meantime, my bathtub needs scrubbing.