I really need to find some friends. I desperately want sushi, but I don't want to get take-out (it just doesn't taste the same), and Aaron's at work and I don't think my roommate would be interested (we're still in the "Do we really have anything to talk about?" phase, although we had a magnificent evening last night complete with a bonfire and the boy roommate entertaining us with paper towel roll shenanigans) and I couldn't possibly go by myself but there is absolutely no food in the house, unless you count the fajita fixins Aaron made five days ago that I've been eating for as many days and I just can't, absolutely cannot put one more bite of fajita in my mouth and even though I really can't afford it anyway, I'm just terrifically desperate for some goddamn sushi and why don't I have any friends anyway?
In other news, here's the thing about my brother: he had cancer a few years back, and he's ok now, but it kind of completely reset his life. Where he was outgoing and the most obnoxiously social person, he's now struggling to find something to care about. There's more to it then that. I just can't really comment on it completely because we didn't talk for about six years (we said words to each other, most of them through arguments, but we didn't actually talk), so I really only know the person he was at the ages of 10 and now. Maybe this is completely unfair, but I compare it to my dad's bout with alcoholism; when you're an alcoholic, you stop maturing as soon as you start the addiction. And then you quit (ideally) and it's like being reborn; life is nothing like what it was and you have to relearn everything through these new eyes. Matt was never terribly mature to begin with, but I think the experience of having cancer (which he is still dealing with, as his thyroid was removed and he has to take generic synthroid every day for the rest of his life) made him completely reevaluate his priorities, if he ever had any. I mean, any type of life-threatening event is going to change your perspective on things, but to be reminded of it every day is a complete mindfuck.
So, ok, he's back in school after fiddlin' and fartin' around CCs for a few years and, in my opinion, is just now starting to realize what it takes to do the absolute minimum to survive. I'm the first person to admit that it's a long, hard road trying to figure out how to balance you're fucking checkbook, let alone figuring out a budget and how not to get screwed over by landlords. The next step is to enter the bureaucracy that is any university system. The good thing is, it trains you for how not to get completely screwed over by your employer. The bad thing is, you're going to deal with this bullshit for the rest of your life. And the step after that is trying to figuring out how to be happy while still maintaining some semblance of a respectable life. Man, my view of the world is completely fucked up.
So, ok, anyway, the point is it's hard to care about people whose lives you can't control.