I am officially unemployed.
I'm always amazed when someone will do something nice for me, even people who have been my friends for years. Give me a ride to the bar to drop something off for my boyfriend? Buy me something with your employee discount? Give me a goodbye gift that directly caters to my interests? I'm ridiculously grateful and shocked, even though I would do it for anyone else. Little bit jaded, that one. I've learned not to expect much from people, even my closest friends. Awhile ago, my dad told me to not be afraid to ask for help. It's not a pride issue, it's just like -- why would anyone go out of their way to help me?
It's only kind of hit me that we're leaving San Francisco for good in less than a week. In mere days, we will no longer be residents of San Francisco. I don't feel like I've wasted my time here. Ex-roommate bitch Sarah told me, when I told her I was moving here, that she hoped it would be the right place for me finally. It wasn't, but nowhere else will be either. The nice thing about here was, when I came home, I was home. A hug for Aaron, frantic pats and smooches for the dog, a beer from the fridge, and I'm home. I don't need a big city to lose myself in; I just need my family. My mom was right: if I wanted to live in San Francisco, really live here, I'd need to live here by myself. But people move here to find themselves, and I already know what I need to make myself happy.
We went out for a birthday party for one of my coworkers the other night. Sushi at the Japanese restaurant mall across from the Denny's in Japantown (whose irony is only exceeded by the Best Western located in Japantown) followed by beer and pool at the Hemlock. The best part of the night, the moment that really tickled, was the cab ride that we caught as we were waiting for the bus for the fare of three cigarettes. Nicotine: the international currency.
So, Santa Barbara, what do I want from you the second time around? I want to get over college, FINALLY, be done with it. I want to be able to demand more money for doing the same job as someone else because I (or my parents, thanks!) spent $24000 on a diploma. I want to find a diner like the Hurricane in Seattle (sans vampires and hipsters) where I can go and feel comfortable drinking one cup of coffee for two hours. I want to have a house like Liz and Adam's in Seattle, one that I can drop by any damn time I please and feel as comfortable as I do at home. I don't want anything that I have in San Francisco. It's not that everything sucked here; it's just that it was a phase and I'm over it. I'm over having to stress out over where to park the car at 7 in the evening, having to plan on travel time taking a minimum of twenty minutes to go two blocks or two miles, having to feel guilty for not having enough money left over after paying all the bills to actually go out and do anything in the city.
I love my new car. The back seat folds down! I can pop the trunk sitting in the driver's seat! I can listen to music while driving! What will they think of next?
Nothing new here, just more of the same.