Slayer
25 July 2005 at 11:49 pm

I had a little chat tonight with the cook that everyone else likes to lambast. I'm transcribing the manuscript for his book -- I use the term lightly -- and I gave him some amateur advice: find away to make it relate to other people, and they'll buy it (literally and figuratively). (Also, he's a better cook than he is a writer, which is not saying much though he does make himself some good ravioli.) Because it's all about me, and you...if it doesn't relate to me, and you, does it really matter? Uh uh.

I think the main thing that came out of the conversation is, not to take work-related incidents personally. For example, at my Other job, there's this girl whom I abhor. She's like, the epitome of everything that I hate about people: flakey to the point of being downright stupid, speaks without thinking and Loudly (i.e., she asked me in her non-indoor voice while customers were present about the prostitutes that would shop while I worked at the store on Market), and makes everyone else's job harder by being a lazy-ass. I managed to inadvertently get her written up for an issue that was essentially my fault, but because I took the blame for it and she handled the situation badly she's the one getting the brunt of the repercussions. Anyway, as much as I loathe the days that I have to work with her, she's not an imbecile for my benefit; she's just an idiot in general.

And then there's the whole, why do I put up with his bullshit when I don't love him anymore? thoughts at 5am when I pick a fight and make him sleep on the couch for no reason at all (except that he left the Brita filter pitcher out and didn't fill it up so I couldn't get water to ward off my hangover). And the next day, he's cleaned the kitchen so it's gleaming and I get up and cry and ask him why he puts up with me and he says because he loves me, it is as simple as that, and then I love him too. Do I love him because he loves me? Am I settling because it's easier to be with him than it is to be without him? I asked him, so, how are you going to propose to me? "Uhh--" Have you thought about it at all? "No." Oh. Kay then.

And then I talk to Sanam and she makes everything make sense and makes it so much fun in the meantime.

splendorofmorgan: explain to me what i'm feeling and when i'll get over it
supersanam: I don't know when you'll get over it
supersanam: but you're testing your limits, because you're about to come back to santa barbara, a place that you're used to navigating alone, and not very well, but it was one of the first places (outside of boarding school) that you probably felt truly independent, so you're nervous about bringing the baggage (aaron) of the past few lives (seattle, SF) with you back here and it'll skew everything you know of this place. I mean, what if you come back here and you turn into the you that was here four years ago? can aaron survive on his own? can you? do you want to find out?
splendorofmorgan: oh shit
splendorofmorgan: i think you just hit the nail on the head
supersanam: I tole you
supersanam: miss moegan, you aint no myssery to me

Amen.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.